As you probably know by now, I work as a Mindfulness Coach and a Clinical Hypnotherapist. My passion: Helping people (including myself) live the life they want.
I’m currently on my travels, in a basic van, with a 12 year old Jack Russell called Izzy. We have a very loose plan. I’m meeting friends somewhere in the North of the U.K at the end of August, almost 2 months from now. The journey will be figured out along the way. I thought this would be the perfect time to begin a blog.
I’ve never travelled around in a van before and like all new experiences, it brings a mixed bag of emotions. It makes perfect sense to me that I would share with you, both the internal and external journey.
You can read ‘about Lisa’ here on The Mind Sanctuary web page.
It’s really important to me that I practice what I teach. Taking clients and class participants out of their comfort zone is an essential part of growth and development. Every year, at least once, I do something that I want to do but that invokes fear. This year it’s heading off in the van for potentially a couple of months. This, at times, will be uncomfortable physically and psychologically. I’m not booking sites to stay on, as for me, that wouldn’t invoke enough fear. This is beneficial on many levels, on a daily basis I’ll be thinking outside of the box and practicing what I teach: Calming the sometimes-bonkers mind.
There’s a couple of Lisa’s that live in my head. There’s the Mindfulness Lisa: Confident, self-assured and nurturing. Mindfulness Lisa will get on and encourage me to do what I want to do. There is also the fear-based Lisa. The one that worries about what other people think of her, that’s scared of putting herself out there, that worries that things won’t work out how she wants them to. Each day, both of these Lisa’s will appear. Its normal by the way, to have many parts of our personalities playing out. Just so you know that.
NB; According to the National Science Foundation we have between 12,000 and 50,000 thoughts a day. Imagine if we believed every thought we had? I’ve learnt, that it’s the thoughts we take action on that create the life we are living today.
When the idea for this trip came about, I was excited. A couple of months, bumbling around in the van, pulling over to work on line when needed and the freedom to choose where I stay each day. Bliss.
Fast forward to the van becoming nearly ready to go (6 weeks after the initial idea) and suddenly fear based Lisa is wide awake kicking and screaming!
Why did I think this was a good idea? Where will I go? Where will I stay each night? What if the van breaks down? What if I get robbed? What if I get attacked? What if what if what if. Years ago, I would have placated fear based Lisa by changing my mind, making an excuse as to why I can no longer go and stayed home, convincing myself that I didn’t really want to do it in the first place. My mind would quieten but my spirit would dull a little too.
These days Mindful Lisa is also about to be just as clearly heard and each time a fear-based thought comes in, I breathe, create a space in my mind and tell myself one simple sentence. “Right now, it’s O.K and if it isn’t O.K in the future we’ll sort it then, but right now, in this minute, everything is O.K”.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to practice some Mindfulness techniques whilst everything is well in your life. It makes sense to practice some basic tools while you don’t need them, so by the time you need them, you already know what you’re doing.
I’m going to post a couple of YouTube videos on the basics of the here and now practice that I still use if my mind gets super busy or if the anxiety begins to build. So for now, lets say, that the practice of calming a bonkers mind takes as much patience and kindness as it does to train a wild horse. Please be gentle with yourself along the way and keep a sense of humour throughout!
The adventure so far…..
It began by Driving into the South of Cornwall to a friend’s place where I spent 2 nights catching up with Mandie, long-time friend, Rob, otherwise known to me as human google, seriously he knows more useful information than electronic google, Ellis (scrumptious 3 year old adventurer to be) and Odin, a gorgeous Bernese Mountain dog.
It felt like a good place to begin my journey whilst I grounded myself in the van and checked that I had all I needed to be able to work on route.
They live in the coolest place, they bought an old game keepers’ cottage and are renovating it. They have a private woodland out the back which they are slowly turning into a magical wonderland. At some point in the near future, you will be able to camp here and I highly recommend it!
I slept really well both nights and made a couple of small tweaks to my equipment. A couple of pieces of wood were adjusted by Rob so that I can hold the storage seats up without triggering an old neck injury and he lent me a Jack as I didn’t have one. (Kind of important apparently).
I felt a touch emotional after saying bye to the cool family and within seconds of waving them off to work, the nerves kicked in. Where was I heading and where was I going to spend the night? I had clients booked in from 5.30pm, what if I couldn’t find a signal? What if it was too hot/noisy to work? I’ve never cancelled a session, I can’t cancel a session. I’m only just working full time in this coaching business, what if this is a terrible mistake, what if I’m about to lose it all already because my idea of being able to work and travel won’t work?
Right, deep slow breath in and out and focus. Right now, I’m heading to Tesco to buy more water and then to the hardware store for a battery maintainer, we can think again after that. I press shuffle on my Spotify liked song list, whack the volume up full and no joke “Faith” from sing by Stevie Wonder and Ariana Grande came on. I took it as a good sign and sang my heart out all the way to Tesco.
Water and battery on board, I chose the Bude area as my first go to. It’s about an hour up the road and it’s on the coast. That’ll do. An hour felt semi comfortable (I could always turn around). The liked song playlist continued to play loudly and when I arrived in Bude I knew instantly it wasn’t the place for me. As I drove down the winding road I could see a large wide beach, life guards, wind breaks, bucket and spade shops, chippies, public toilets and a huge carpark. This place is really busy and really noisy. It is not my kind of place. I look up at the sky and say “Universe, I am in your hands, guide me”. I then look at google maps (Maybe the universe needs a helping hand) and head for the next bay. Long story short I was so busy taking in the stunning views I missed the google maps turning and found myself driving down some proper country lanes and thought “The adventure began quicker than I thought”. Both Lisa’s come into play at this moment “Bloody nora Lis, you’ve already missed a turning and it doesn’t get any easier than following instructions, turn back now before you go too far” and the other “Have faith and see where you land”. I listen to the latter voice and drive on for a while around winding, up and down steep hills until I spot a small sign hidden in the hedges and decide to see where it leads. Bouncing down a pot holed track I wonder if I’m trespassing. After a few minutes of being grateful for the welding I’d had done prior to leaving, I pass a small cottage nestled into the grassy bank that runs along my right side and think, what an absolutely idyllic spot to live. Daydreaming about a future hypnosis script I can write, with the cottage in it, the road then opens itself up and gifts me a view of a secluded, cliff backed beach with what appears to be a fresh water stream running alongside where I can park the van. Izzy will be happy. We have landed in a little spot of heaven. Checking for internet signal (I have to work in a few hours) I can’t believe my luck, full signal from my little travelling dongle. We can stay here.
I park up, grab my swim stuff and Izzy and I head onto the beach which has maybe 7 people on it.
After a few hours of swimming and playing its time to head back to the van for work. I clean up using the fresh water from the stream, feeling a little self-conscious of what the other people might be thinking of me collecting the water. Will they know I’m staying in the van? What if there are strange people around that might take advantage of a woman on her own sleeping out in a van? I take a slow steady breathe, feel my feet on the floor (I find it very grounding to really feel my feet connecting with the surface below) and remind myself that other people’s thoughts are none of my business.
I do my usual 10 minute meditation before I see any client and feel completely calm and focused. Izzy is asleep in her bed (thankyou universe!)
It feels good to see my clients, familiarity in an unfamiliar setting. It’s grounding for me and I absolutely love my job. It feels good to know that I can concentrate as well in the van as I can at home. Izzy sleeps almost throughout, which is a huge bonus. This work and travel idea might just work. I log off my laptop and suddenly I realise it’s 7.30pm and I’m staying here the night. The fear arrives again, stronger and more prominent than any other time leading up to this trip. A conversation between the 2 Lisa’s begins: “I feel really unsure about this, what if someone comes and tells me I can’t sleep here?” “Then we’ll move” “What if someone tries to break in whilst I’m sleeping?” “You’ll wake up and drive off before they get in”. Whilst I’m having a conversation with myself, a guy appears with a beer in his hand, “You staying here tonight?” I’m not sure how to answer. I check in with my danger radar, which is an uneasy feeling that tends to appear in my stomach if something is off. The danger radar is calm and quiet, I check again, no nothing there, so I answer semi truthfully and say “I’m thinking about it”. He goes on to tell me that he’s stayed here lots of times, never had a problem and if I felt like staying the week I probably could. He then says have a lovely stay and off he goes back to his car and drives off. I smile at the sky and say a heartfelt “thank you universe”. I feel completed settled, have a catch up with a friend who phones in and after another swim, Izzy and I settle down for an amazing sleep.
It’s 9.30am and I’ve only just woken up! This rarely happens to me. These days I’m up with the sunrise and to bed with the sunset kind of person. I cannot believe I’ve slept so long. Opening the door, it’s a high tide and I am literally about 20 footsteps away from the ocean. This view is the view of my dreams. There’s only one thing for it. Grab the swimsuit and head for a morning dip. First things first though, morning routine. Must start as I mean to go on. I am now living in a very small space (approximately 3 metres in length and 1.5 metres wide ish) and it could very easily become chaotic if I don’t have some ‘rules’ to live by. The chaos can happen internally as well for us humans if we don’t have some kind of structure, some kind of routine to follow. Mine for this short time van living is; Up, wash (biodegradable wet wipe wash), dress, bed made, sweep floor of Izzy hair and sand, take Izzy out, come back meditation, coffee, read something inspirational and do the here now practice (see my YouTube video in the next few days).
Routine done, I jump in the sea and spend the day ‘landing’.
In the afternoon while I’m playing with my new tripod, a lovely lady comes along and begins chatting. Her name is Jen and after a few questions back and forth between us, I find out I’m chatting to the lady who owns the little cottage I drove by. She says that she hasn’t visited the beach for a week or so but that she just felt like taking a stroll while the tide was out. I tell her how I felt about her cottage and say that I love her choice of home. Her response “Ha, I didn’t choose it, it chose me”.
I will continue The Mind Sanctuary journey a little later on…….
The TMS Adventure continues 25.07.21
Jen and I
I smile when Jen says that the cottage chose her. 22 years ago I was given 2 books. The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield and The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff. I was at a time in my life when a life style change was needed. Reading these books set me off on a new path and gave me an alternative perspective of life. They introduced me to the idea of going with the flow, as well as the possibility that there is a universal energy that we are all a part of and that we can tap into and use if we choose to.
“How did the cottage choose you?” I ask. I’m a little self-conscious, Jen is dressed in walking gear and I’m stood in a bikini that’s a little too tight (I fell in love with ice cream this last year).
Lightly laughing Jen says “My husband and I had been looking for somewhere to live here in the South West for when we retired. We viewed a lot of properties but just couldn’t found one that we both liked, so we gave up. We continued to come down here from Kent for our holidays. On one of those holidays,14 years ago, we were walking that coastal walk”. Jen points up to the path that runs alongside the rugged cliffs dotted with Alexander flowers.
Alexander flowers were introduced to the U.K by the Romans and were used for food stuff, they’re edible, although these days they’re enjoyed more by the passing horses than us humans. They’re tall plants with warm yellow flowers and quite a poignant smell. “As we came across the hill there, I spotted the solitary cottage nestled in the grassy bank and said to my husband “That’s our cottage, we’re going to live there. I don’t know what made me say it but we headed down off the path and went to have a look. As we got closer, we saw that it had a for sale sign on it and I just knew it was ours. We called the number and made an offer there and then and it was accepted. We hadn’t even been in.”
Throughout our conversation I share with Jen that I’m on a journey of following my instinct and seeing where I land. “What a fabulous adventure” she says. I tell her that it can be quite unsettling and she shares how unsettling it was buying a cottage without having been inside.
“When we did go inside for the first time, we realised there wasn’t any running water or electricity and the lights were gas lights. The cottage was pretty much buried in mounds of earth and we had to dig for days to be able to easily enter and exit. It had 1 door in and out and 2 rooms. Today we still don’t have running water and our electricity is solar powered with a generator for back up. I love it, but it has been a lot of hard work and we probably couldn’t live here if we hadn’t been able to build the 1 room extension with the solar panels on. It has absolutely been worth the effort though”.
What is instinct?
This conversation gets me to thinking about ‘just knowing’ and about how maybe ‘things are meant to be just the way they are’. Here I am, taking this journey of following my instincts but what is instinct?
The Oxford English dictionary says that instinct is ‘a natural quality that makes people and animals behave in a particular way using the knowledge and abilities they were born with rather than thought or training’. For me, this has meant, learning to get out of my head, out of and away from my thinking, and following and trusting a deeper feeling, a feeling that sits behind what I call primary human feelings, the feeling that runs behind human emotions. Practicing mindfulness and mind calm helps me to connect with this inner compass. I don’t know about you, but I have had so many times in my life when I’ve ignored ‘that feeling’. When something ‘doesn’t feel right’ and I’ve listened to the logic in my head over the uneasy feeling in my gut and the experience has not been a good one.
One of the journeys I take with many clients is to re connect them with their gut instinct. When we journey back through a choice we made that caused us harm, maybe an abusive relationship, an accident that occurred or something else, we can recognise that the gut instinct sent a warning sign that we may have ignored. This is not to say we must blame ourselves for all of the negative experiences we’ve had in our lives. Blame is an exhausting energy filled with judgments, that in my personal and professional experience leads to an unhappy destination (most of the time). Nor am I saying we are fully responsible for the negative experiences we’ve had. I am saying however that it can be an empowering experience when we realise our instinct is guiding us and communicating with us at all times, if only we had the courage and the know how to be able to hear and act upon it. I believe we are all built with our own inner compass, our own personal inner sat navs and I have ignored it many times, ending up on some rotten paths until eventually I find the courage once again to listen and act upon that inner guidance.
Moving on up the map to who knows where
It’s time to leave this peaceful cove, Izzy and I have been here for 2 nights, my inner sat nav is ready to continue up the map. My mind wants to stay here, it feels safe, it has become familiar very quickly and we like it here. Fear based Lisa pipes up “Why do we need to move? You said it was a journey of I don’t know so we could stay here all summer. You don’t have to move anywhere, it’s got everything we like here,” “It’s time to move, I can feel it, we’re O.K, we like driving”. “Yeah but we don’t know where we’re driving to or where we’re going?” “Maybe not, but we do know we’re heading up the map and we’re sticking to the coast roads, for now, that’s enough of a plan.”
Taking a long slow deep breath, I take a look at the online map of the U.K and notice that a few miles away there’s a cliffside hut called Hawkers Hut. It was built by the clergyman and poet Robert Stephen Hawker, I decide to go take a look and feel a sense of calmness in my mind as it now has a destination (even if it is only a few miles away). It’s going to be a boiling hot day, I’ve clipped Izzy into her seatbelt on the front seat, her window’s wide open and she can enjoy the welcome breeze that come’s as we drive along. It’s still early, 7.30am, but the sun is already hot in the sky. Googlemaps leads us on our journey. After a couple of minutes, we are led down what appears to be a very muddy, very bumpy, dirt track with hedges hiding fields to our left and right. I begin to question whether google maps has this right. I’m blown away by the colour of the sky. There’s not a cloud to be seen and it’s the brightest clearest of blues, accentuated more by the surrounding greens of the fields and hedges. There are large metal gates settled off the track every 20 metres or so, leading into fields. Eventually we come to a locked gate at the end of the track that opens onto a large field. Googlemaps is insisting I keep driving for another 5 minutes. Reversing back up the track until I see a side gate, I pull in thinking it can’t be too much to walk on foot from here and what are the chances of someone needing access to this field at this exact moment. I decide to walk fast and Izzy is not impressed. She does not want to follow me. “Izzy hurry up, we’re going to have a look and you are coming, it’s too hot for you to stay in the van on your own”. She lets me know she is not impressed by cowering down by the van and looking up at the passenger door. “You are coming Izzy now come on.” I have that tone, you know the tone that means I’m in a non-negotiating mood. The tone your parents may have used when you knew there was no point arguing any further as it wasn’t going to get you anywhere. Izzy knows my tones; we’ve lived together for almost 13 years and she knows when I’m likely to give in and she knows when I’m not. Today we are going to find this hut. Reluctantly she follows, letting me know with every slow footstep that she walks behind me that she is not in agreement with my choice of adventure. Hurrying along through a field I wonder if Izzy is right and that this isn’t a good idea. Fear based Lisa wants to turn back. “You’re blocking a farmers gate, what if they want to get in now? You’re in a field and this hut is on the coast, you’re going the wrong way, the map was wrong, go back. Izzy doesn’t want to go any further, maybe it’s a sign to turn around”. I take a slow deep breath, feel my feet on the ground below, and connect with that inner compass. It feels calm and light “We are carrying on”. We come across sheep in the field, I haven’t brought Izzy’s lead, so concentrate on making her walk beside me even though she now appears to have a burst of energy and is desperate to ‘play’ with the sheep. I am stern with her and she walks beside me at my pace. We come to a cross roads (ish) we can walk left or right. I look left and don’t feel anything yet when I look right I feel a little excitement running from my solar plexus down into the back of my tummy. We walk to the right. Within 2 minutes I spot a sign ‘Hawkers Hut’. The view is breath-taking. Turquoise ocean set against dramatic cliffside. There are sheep baaing on the footpath behind the sign. I feel disappointed. “Is this all there is, a sign for where the hut used to be? Bloomin norah.” Izzy looks at me with that look of can we go now? I’m about to give her the go ahead when the sheep suddenly begin to move off of the cliff path, making their way into the field alongside us. “Let’s just have a look down here Izz”. We head down the thin winding path and I laugh as we find the hut. Wow just wow! I am so happy that we are here early and that nobody else is around. I open the weather worn door that has been made out of timber cast ashore by ship wrecks. The door is in 2 hatches, like a stable door.
I absolutely love the simplicity of it and that the poet thought to build it so the view could be enjoyed with some protection from the weather. At the back of this tiny hut is a bench made out of the same worn wood, I sit down and the view is spectacular. In front of me all I see is a few feet of earth and then the magnificent Atlantic ocean rolling around below. I want to stay here. The air is fresh even though the morning is hot. The energy inside the hut is incredible. I feel completely at peace. An inner calm and tranquillity. I really want to spend the day and night in here, on the side of this cliff, in this weather beaten hut. Izzy looks at me and I know this is not going to happen whilst I have her with me. She is terrified of loud noises and the waves here are crashing like thunder on a stormy night. She is not impressed and my feeling of inner peace is not going to survive with Izzy this unhappy. It’s not meant to be. Not now anyway. One day though, I want to come here and write.
I thank the universe for this experience and remembering the gate I’ve blocked, Izzy and I head back to Tinks (our van) at a swift pace. Our timing is perfect as the farmer appears just as we leave the bumpy road behind.
I’m feeling buoyant and connected driving along, enjoying the sun shining down over the hedge rows. Nerves begin to kick in when my mind focuses on the night ahead. I don’t know where we’re staying or where we’re going. Mindful Lisa appears: “Lisa, its 8am, it is not the evening yet, right now you are in beautiful countryside with the sun shining and a happy Izzy”. I put on a tune that always makes me smile and calms me. “O.K, what now?” I intend to follow the coast path up the map unless my inner sat nav instructs otherwise. I google something further up so that the outer sat nav can direct me on the roads along the coast and notice a waterfall. I feel really excited as a vision of Izzy and I swimming in a waterfall fills my mind. Off to the waterfall we go. Singing away, driving at an annoyingly slow speed for anyone that is travelling behind me, I feel great until I realise, that yet again, I have the music on too loud to hear the outer (and probably inner) sat navs. I’ve missed the turning by a good few mile. I think about going back but it doesn’t feel right. A part of my mind has other ideas “I want to go back, I really want to swim in a waterfall, I want to go back”. It just doesn’t feel right, “We’re not going back, I want to swim in a waterfall too but it doesn’t feel right to turn around. Let’s just trust that we are heading in the direction we are meant to be heading in. We’re feeling in the flow lets trust it”. I kept driving but I’m now feeling lost and I don’t know what’s the fear based Lisa talking and what’s the Mindful instinct Lisa. I decide to pull over. I can’t see anything other than hedges. The roads are tarmacked but unmarked. I haven’t a clue where we are and the sun is hot. I feel unsettled, uncertain and the peace I felt in the hut is long gone. Fear based Lisa starts “You should have made plans, at least if you just made a plan for the next destination, you’d know where you were going, maybe this is a lesson for you to actually make a solid plan, maybe you should just go home, it’s hot, Izzy is going to struggle in this heat, you live in a beautiful place why do you even want to do this trip anyway?” Mindful Lisa arrives with a soft nurturing voice and I breathe a long slow breath, feeling my feet on the floor of the van. I put my hazards on and connect with my breath.
Our breath
Something I’ve taught for a long time is breath connection. In our lives so much changes. Every minute something new can be happening. The scenery can alter, devastating news can arrive, we move house, make new friends, lose friends, one of life’s guarantees is change. I’ve noticed that the majority of us humans aren’t very keen on change. We can get very unsettled when there is change. Whether that change is perceived as good or bad, it can still unsettle us humans. Many years ago, I worked with children in the care system and they had change happening around them all the time. New carers, new social workers, new schools, new friends, new rules, new boundaries, always new learnings and very little familiar. Just as things became familiar to them their world changed again. It got me to thinking about what was consistent in their lives. The sky I realised was consistent. It didn’t matter what countries or counties I travelled, the sky was always there and then I realised that we have something even closer to home that is always with us, our breath. No matter what is happening in our worlds, our breath is our consistent. Moving in and out of us, whether we pay it any attention or no attention at all. It’s become my go to. For me, connecting with my breath is my safe place. It’s a bit like playing the game ‘it’ at school, do you remember? Running around trying not to get caught? In this game there’s a circle you can land in and not get tagged. A place to catch your breath and center yourself before you begin playing the game again. For me, stopping and connecting with my breath is how I center myself and clear my mind before re joining the game of life. It’s my time out. After some practice, I can re center usually within a single breath and I am forever grateful for the monks in the mountains of Sri Lanka who taught the crazy 20 something me how to do this. (Now that is a mindful adventure story)
After maybe my 3rd breath, a car drives by, the driver has wet hair and no top on, he looks like he’s been for a swim. His window is down, as is mine and he shouts with a big smile “There’s room for another car down there” and carries on. Hazards off and down the road the guy has just come from I head. Another very bumpy 10 minute ride later and I come across a space, that is definitely not a carpark, but has 3 cars parked up on a bank and room for me. I park up and look around. There’s a stile so I pick up my back pack, make sure I have water for me and Izzy and head over the stile wondering where this is going to lead us. I see lots of signs saying private property to my right and to my left but I feel its O.K to be walking down the road we’re on even though it looks well kept and potentially private.
After about 10 minutes of walking the view opens out to rolling fields and winding paths. I can hear running water and start to feel excited. We can’t possibly be heading to a waterfall can we?” Don’t get excited Lisa, watch your expectations we don’t want to be disappointed”. I breathe in the view and think that waterfall or no waterfall this is a gift. Its absolutely stunning. Who knew there were so many variants of greens in the world? If the sound of water leads us to a stream for Izzy then I will be ecstatic, she will love a swim in this heat. We walk on with me beaming a Cheshire cat like grin and Izzy leading the way. As the path opens up I see in the distance 2 guys with surf boards. “Awesome, we might both get a swim Izzy, looks like we’re landing at the coast”. The sound of water gets louder and I’m thinking “That doesn’t sound like crashing waves”. I follow a path around to the stream and begin to follow it. It opens into a pool that looks out over the cliffs, how beautiful. Walking around further I cannot believe my eyes, there before me is a magnificent waterfall. There is not a soul to be seen, just Izzy and I and this beautiful 30 metre waterfall descending into a pool in the rocks below. Walking further I see the beach below and notice the fabulous clean breaking waves. “How is there no one here?” I think. “Oh my God Izzy do you think we can swim in there?” I look down and around and it appears that there is no way into the pool below. We watch the water cascading down and soak in the beauty of nature. Making our way to the top of the water fall I wonder if we can dip in the top part of the stream, it feels a little too dangerous. After taking a couple of pictures, Izzy and I are super hot so I decide we need to find our way down onto the each below for a dip before heading back to the van. On route I notice a skinny, barely there path. “Come on Izz, I just want to have a look where this leads”. Tentatively, I go first, as I’m not sure if it will suddenly drop off into an abyss, we make our way down the path until I cannot believe it. We are by the pool at the base of the waterfall. Eyeing up the rocky path I can see that we can make it in there. I am so excited. Izzy not so much but me, I am ecstatic. I begin to get changed into my swimsuit when the old voice starts again “What if people see you, what will they think, what if you’re not allowed to swim in there”. The voice goes on but I continue to change. I am swimming in that waterfall. I cannot describe how amazing it felt to get into that pool with the 30 metres of powerful water gushing down into it. It felt soft. It was refreshing on every level. Again, I got ‘lost’, I didn’t notice the turning on the sat nav for the waterfall, yet here we are. Izzy and I, swimming in the waterfall.
I want a photo of Izzy and I in here. The tripod is set up too far away to pick up the remote clicker and I haven’t set the timer. Not to worry I think, It’ll just be for my memory. 5 minutes into our swim a lady appears. I laugh out loud and shout to her. “Your timing is perfect, would you take a photo of me and my dog in here please”. She takes the phone off the tripod and takes our picture.
On climbing out of the pool, I go over and thank the lady and she tells me “I’ve visited here maybe 10 times and never have I walked down the path to this pool. I nearly didn’t today either but I felt compelled to, I’m so glad I did, its beautiful down here and I think I was meant to take your picture.”
We chatted for maybe 20 minutes and learnt in that time that had I followed the sat nav, the walk to the waterfall would have been about an hour in length and not the 15 minutes that it took me. Heading back to the van, smiling happily in the now searing heat, I’ve no idea at this point, how the next part of the journey is going to lead us to a not so idyllic experience. To be continued…….
Open Space, van showers and car parks
Its incredibly hot in the van, the sun is beating down on Izzy. The passenger window is down but she’s panting and I’ve no idea where my instinct is leading us. Worrying is an act of the mind and I’m finding it difficult to be in the flow. When I’m in my head I can’t hear what my instinct is saying. I Find a shady spot and meditate for a minute, My busy mind now has a job to do: Its task, to focus on the journey of the breath. I can’t take too long as even in the shade, it is too hot. I decide to type Wales into the sat nav as that feels far enough away to guide us up the coastal road. My mind quietens as it likes the logic of driving the coastal road and stopping off to swim on route to cool down. (or so we think) ” Let’s get going Izzy”.
The sight of our U.K coastline blows me away. It really is beautiful and changes from rugged cliff faces to long sandy beaches the further up through Devon we travel. I absolutely love how the elements alter the face of the rocks over time. Before reaching Ilfracombe I feel I’m being led in land and find myself travelling into the heart of Exmoor. The change of scenery is breath taking. Wide open Mooreland takes the place of the coast and I’m blown away by the amount of space there is up here. The air feels different too, lighter somehow and my eyes adjust to the shades of greens and browns that surround me. It’s comforting to experience so much space. Living in a seaside environment I’ve become disheartened, observing the amount of houses being built in our area. Drs surgeries and schools are struggling with the upsurge of people moving in. I absolutely understand why people want to live where we live, it’s stunning, but the amount of land being exchanged for housing estates unsettles me. It’s a relief to be driving through acres of hilly Mooreland. The day is scorching hot and I’m impressed by the amount of cyclist puffing and panting along the Moors. I’m sure they’d appreciate a strong gusty bout of wind even more than Izzy and I.
After driving for who knows how long, I’m feeling lost again. I need to get out of the van and find a loo. “C’mon universe get me into a town with public loo’s”. I can wait no longer. Perhaps 15 minutes later I find myself pulling into the village of Lynmouth. I’m hot, hungry and tired as well as worrying about Izzy in this extreme heat. “If I’m this hot how hot must she be feeling?” I look over to her and I can tell by her fidgets that she’s uncomfortable but she’s not panting as much as I expect her to be. Parking up I realise I’ve parked opposite a sign saying ‘Public Toilets’. Thankyou universe! Jumping out of the van I feel the tarmac, It’s too hot to leave Izzy in the van but I’m worried about the road being too hot for her paws too. I’m desperate for the loo, I can’t leave her in the van and the floor is hotter than I would like for her paws too. If we were at home, I wouldn’t take her out walking in this heat. I don’t know what to do. I’m rushing and unsettled and feeling quite irritable as I don’t know about you, but as soon as I know I can go to the loo I need to go even more and can wait no longer. Izzy doesn’t want to get out of the van, I’m really not up for this. “Stop being so stubborn Izzy, get out of the van”. She’s not up for it so I pick her up and carry her. Beginning to run I’m convinced I look a right sight, panting, sweat marks on my top where the seat belt has been, hair totally bedraggled, probably mascara down my face from the waterfall swim earlier (I haven’t looked in a mirror since) and a very unhappy Jack Russel bouncing around in my arms. After the relief of, let’s say my release, I can breathe again and apologise to Izzy for being a bit short with her. She’s over it and happy to have been placed on some cooling grass instead of being carried, she is not a fan of being picked up! Dogs are great teachers, aren’t they? They don’t hold grudges and live in the moment. Izzy is happily sniffing the new smells that surround her. My mind however is focused on the temperature of the day. Fear based Lisa pipes up “What a stupid day to choose for driving Lisa, you should have stayed at the beach, you really need to start planning better, you’ve got to make better decisions”.
Language
These days I know when I need to recentre myself as the language I begin to use defaults to ‘old, un-useful language’. Years ago, when I first began training in NLP, I was introduced to the idea of ‘limiting language’. Listening very carefully to clients language, it gives me a lot of useful information about where they are at. I’ve noticed over the years that clients who experience a lot of anxiety tend to use words like should, have to, need and got to. Now I’m not suggesting that these words are never used but I am saying that they can be over used and that they impact a reaction within and around our nervous system when we use them. One way to notice the impact is to notice your physiology when you use these words. The physiology can alter ever so slightly so it’s good to try this over a period of time. For me, I’ve noticed when I use words like need, got to, have to, should, there’s a slight tightening of my muscles, I become a little stiffer. It effects the way my breath flows too, my breathing is more restricted and shorter. It can take a little practice to notice, however in my opinion it can be life changing and so worth it. Mind Calm helps massively with this. You can make a start by becoming aware of how often you use these words. Perhaps, when you do become aware of using them, either out loud or in your own head, you can perhaps change those words to more resourceful ones such as: Like, could, choose to, want to. These words lighten the nervous system and the physiology relaxes, leaving us in a more resourceful place to make better informed decisions. I could happily talk about this for hours but as this is a travel adventure that touches on a lot of what I teach, I am making a list as I go for future blog topics, and have now added limiting language to the list. Let’s get on…
Mindful Lisa appears, again in a soft nurturing tone “Lis, It’s alright, maybe find a shady spot to sit for a minute, you and Izzy have a drink and something to eat and we can decide what to do from there”. I am so grateful these days that I have this part of me. It’s not always been the case, I lived a lot of years without mindful Lisa and my experience of the world wasn’t so pleasant but that’s a whole other story that maybe one day I’ll share. I find grass, and sit beneath the shade of a small tree. I use trees quite often in my hypnosis scripts. In one of them we travel into the trunk of the tree and down into the roots and soak in all of the nutrients of the earth. I imagine this as I sit here, rehydrating and fuelling my body. After maybe 20 minutes, I’m calm again and decide it’s time to move on. Walking back to the van I think about how much my sister and her partner would love Lynton and Lynmouth. It has an interesting history, beautiful scenery and whilst I was sat under the tree I spotted the impressive vertical railway as I which took me pleasantly by surprise. Give it a google it’s worth a little read up.
Driving on we end up lost yet again in the depths of Exmouth, I’m driving up hill in first gear and am scared we’re going to start rolling backwards. After a couple of hours I’ve had enough. I’m once again, tired, hot and bothered and I can smell that the cool box has stopped working and Izzy’s chicken is definitely no longer edible. Fear based Lisa voices her opinion “Lets just put home into the satnav, this is crazy, we don’t need to be doing this, why do we need to be so uncomfortable, this is totally unnecessary, it’s 5pm, we don’t know where we’re going or where we’re staying, your instinct is way off today, let’s just go home”. I’m with fear-based Lisa at this point but making a decision when I’m this out of sorts would be a total reactive decision and I’m not convinced this is the time for that. “Pull over, breathe, and take 5 minutes.” I pull over and notice how amazingly wonderful and expansive the view is. I really am in the heart of Exmoor (driving around in circles probably) and I realise again how much worry takes us out of the present moment and disconnects us from our instinct. I hadn’t appreciated the view for a while as I had been caught up in my own thoughts inside my head for so long. Izzy and I enjoy the space for 20 minutes.
Long and short of this is, I spend a lot of time driving around Exmouth until a friend calls, I’d been without signal for a long time so how she got through is beyond me. Between her and her husband they tell me which roads to look out for before the signal disappears again.
Carparks and showers
I find myself in a place called ‘Watchet’. The name makes me smile. It’s about 8pm and I’m done in. I park in a carpark that has 24 hour parking and I’m staying here. I no longer care about views or beauty spots, I’ve had enough. I’m so tired that I’m ignoring the fear that’s growing about sleeping in a public carpark as well as the memories of my beautiful home that are flashing before my eyes. When getting my £5 24 hour ticket from the machine, I end up helping a local lady locate her 2 cats (or at least Izzy did) which leads me to meeting a fellow van dweller. “You staying here tonight?” S/he says. I take in the person before me and I don’t know if they are male or female. I realise, rightly or wrongly, that this makes a difference to how safe I feel. An interesting thought to ponder on later perhaps. Being tired I just say “Yes, are you?” “I’ve been here 4 nights already, it’s a great place to park, there’s toilets just there and the harbour is 2 minutes that way, if you fancy a chat when you’ve got yourself sorted I’m in the van behind you and I’m off to the Chinese, do you want anything picking up?” I feel at ease with this person and share that I am no good for conversation tonight, I just need to wash and sleep but maybe tomorrow we could we chat. “O.K see you tomorrow and if you’re up for it there’s an alright pub up the road with a beer garden for the dogs”.
I have to shower, there is no way I can sleep tonight without a shower. Baby wipes are not going to cut it. I have brought with me a hose lock shower. It’s like something you would use in your garden to spray weeds or flowers with. It holds 7 litres of water. I also have a builders half bucket, some tarpaulin and some clothes pegs. I have not tried this out yet. My idea before leaving for the trip was the romantic notion of leisurely swimming in the sea and refreshingly showering outside the van after wards. No-body would bat an eyelid as it would make sense to them that I would be washing down after a leisurely swim. I now find myself in a public carpark and in no mood to be observed, standing in my too small bikini, having a wash. When we humans are tired, our defences are down and when I’m tired I just want to sleep and am no good for anything until I give into said sleep. I’ve been like it since being a child. I can fight sleep but I pay the price. I am a much better version of myself when I’ve slept well. I know I will not sleep well if I don’t find a way to shower.
It is still hot even though it’s now about 8.30pm. I have to find a way to shower in the van. There’s very little floor space and I can’t stand up in her. Grabbing the tarpaulin, I wrap it around the ‘kitchen’ area and place the bucket in the middle. Izzy looks on with questioning eyes and moves as far away from me as possible when she sees the hose lock come out. I start to really laugh when I see my set up. The contrast to my daily life and where I am tonight amuses me highly. “Why don’t you just book into a nice hotel with a spar Lisa?” It’s a worthy question from the fear -based part of my mind. The part of the mind that enjoys comfort, luxury and ‘knowing’. I don’t have much of an answer other than to say “I just know this is what I’m meant to be doing right now, being uncomfortable helps me to develop and grow, it helps me to keep moving forward”. “Surely staying in a nice hotel is moving forward as you couldn’t have done that years ago, you wouldn’t have been able to afford it. “Yes, but having done a lot of that, I now need to touch base, to remember perhaps how far I’ve travelled, to get to a place in my work where I can describe to others how they too can find a calmness in their minds in the most unusual of circumstances”. I remember the words of my Grandad when I asked him, just before he died, “If you had 1 piece of life advice for me Grandad what would it be?” he thought for just a moment before answering with a cheeky smile and a childlike sparkle in his eyes “Keep your sense of humour Lis, you’re gonna need it for this thing called life”’. He then requested my sister and I sit on the side of his bed and sing the hymn “All things bright and beautiful”. With mutual reluctance we did and he burst out laughing after and said “I knew you’d sing it”. He was king of wind ups. That was the last time we saw him. I’ve always remembered that wise sentence, even though at times, I haven’t managed to conjure up the humour.
The showering worked like a dream. Well, to a super sweaty and tired me it felt dream like to feel cool water and soap wash over a very tired me. By the time I’d packed it all away I almost needed another shower, the temperature outside still so warm. I end up sleeping in the carpark with the tail gate of the van slightly open as well as the side door (sorry Mum). It was either an even more tired me tomorrow and a potentially over heated Izzy or the risk of being raped and murdered. I take neither of this lightly but realised, on questioning myself, that these are my greatest fears of sleeping with the door open. I do however have a Jack Russel who is very protective of the van and my thinking was that I would be up and setting off an alarm before anyone had any chance of putting their hand inside. I didn’t have the most relaxing sleep but at least Izzy and I didn’t overheat.
The next day the heatwave is in full swing, I walk us to the beach not far away for a swim but there’s no way either of us are swimming in that brown ocean. I feel upset, not so much about the lack of swimming but seeing with my own eyes what we humans are doing to our planet. The sadness is real and I feel it in my core as I wonder if as a human race we are becoming aware of our negative consequences on our planet too late, can we move and change fast enough to at least limit anymore damage or is it really too late? I vow to do more than I am. About 5 years ago I began making consistent small changes. One of those changes was using soap instead of shower gel as I realised I was buying a plastic container of shower gel each week which over a year adds up to at least 52 plastic bottle (and that’s not counting the numerous toiletries that arrive for Christmas and birthdays). I do more than that but I vow to do even more than I have been too.
We walk back to the van, it’s currently in the shade. Izzy lies out on her bed in the carpark and I get on with some work. As the sun moves onto us a couple of hours later I remember a park we passed and head there with my lap top spending the next 6 hours writing the first blog post. Arriving back to the carpark I remember S/he saying about a pub and think it may be nice for both of us to have some company. Knocking on her/his van I shout “Do you fancy heading to the pub?” “Great” they shout, “I’ll be out in 5 minutes”.
Making our way to the pub I notice my mind wondering whether I am in the company of a male or female. With what I hope is the upmost of respect I shall describe my experience of this person. I’m looking and I see a very tall, perhaps 6’2 person. Very smooth skin and I can see no signs of facial hair. They have big kind eyes, large hands with long slender fingers and long nails, a round tummy and perhaps breasts but the breasts could be female or through body fat. Whilst noticing this, we are having a conversation about which pub to visit and at the same time I’m telling myself that it doesn’t matter whether they are male or female so decide not to ask their name as the only reason I would be asking is for the hidden motive of finding out their sex. They hadn’t asked my name so it hadn’t come up and I drew the conclusion that it was none of my business and that it didn’t matter.
We choose a pub, order our drinks and laugh a lot. This person is very knowledgeable on living in a van having lived full time in theirs for 3 years now and knows how to share a good story. Our humours gel. They have led a really interesting life. Throughout all of the story sharing my mind quietly wonders away in the background swinging between male and female conclusions. I clearly, haven’t let this matter go. Towards the end of our 2nd drink s/he mentions their love of guns. I don’t like this. I don’t like guns and fear-based Lisa is on full alert. “It’s the reason I’m here in Watchet” S/he says with a big smile. “There’s a brilliant gun shop here, I ended up blowing a load of money today on 2 fabulous pieces, they’re in the van, come and see when we’ve finished our drinks”.
To be continued……….
Day 6 & 7
I decided prior to taking this journey that I would let my instinct, the universe, life, my true self, God, Allah, whatever you choose to call it, guide me during this trip. The fact that I’ve ended up sitting opposite a person who has just bought 2 guns is clearly the experience I’m meant to have……isn’t it? Or have I somehow gone off course?
My mind is racing just the way minds can when faced with fear, while at the same time the adrenaline is surging through my body like a fast-flowing river rapid. I’m making a conscious effort to slow my breathing down whilst attempting to connect with the feeling behind the emotions. I’m checking for any warning signs that may be signalling for me to run and still managing to listen and respond to our conversation. Talk about multi-tasking. I can’t hear or feel any danger signals, its calm behind the emotion but the emotion is definitely fear and my heart rate is now less chill out Sunday driving tune and more the tempo of an energetic tango. 2 pieces of advice come to mind that were given to me, by 2 separate spiritual teachers some 20 plus years ago, I decide to follow them: 1. My assigned monk back in the mountains of Sri Lanka told me to always ask questions. “Fear stems from non-understanding” he said “so keep asking questions until you understand.” Another, along the same vein, was given to me by a fabulous Psychotherapist on 1 of the first therapy trainings I ever went on ‘Be curious, always practice having a childlike curiosity’. Years of practicing these actions of wisdom help me to keep judgment at bay and open mindedness expansive.
“What is it about guns that you like?” I eventually ask as we sit opposite each other on a picnic bench in the pub beer garden. I notice a look of excitement subtly spread throughout their face. “Erm, I don’t know”. I can tell by the movement of their eyes that they are searching for the answer to my question, so I remain quiet and still. “The danger of them, I guess”. I don’t know what answer I was looking for but my body and mind don’t like this one and my heart begins to dance the tango again. “Yeah, I love how dangerous they are, how with one click life can change forever”. Forget the tango, my poor heart has now become a row of Irish dancers hitting the peak of their performance. I hear my Dad’s words speak quietly and calmly in my mind. “Remember Lisa, pay the consequences of honesty and truth rather than the consequences of a lie and always be yourself no matter what.”
“I’ve always been scared of guns” I hear myself saying. “The reason you like them is the same reason I don’t like them. I don’t like that somebody can make a rash decision or simply react and take the life of another. I don’t like how dangerous they are and I don’t like that a lot of people who enjoy the power that a gun can bring are potentially coming from a place of fear, fear when left to it’s own devices can be reactive and dangerous.” I see the person digesting what I‘ve said “Yeah you’re right. We like and dislike them for the same reason, I love the power and the danger of them.” We finish up our drinks and they ask if I’d like dinner. Years ago, I would have said yes to dinner for fear of being rude or because I can tell they want me to join them for dinner. I was a chronic people pleaser with no idea how damaging and unhealthy it was. I used to always put others needs and wants before my own, thinking that being selfish was a bad thing, this led me into dangerous situations on more than one occasion (I may share these lessons another time). These days, when I start to feel a little tired or I simply don’t want to do something, I take it as a cue that my time is up where I am and I’m O.K and comfortable with saying no. (That ‘no journey’ could be a book!) I respond to my ‘friend’ with a no thank you and say that its time for me to head back to the van, they say they will too. When we get to the carpark (I still can’t quite believe I’m sleeping in a carpark on my trip) they say “So, do you want to see these guns?” I genuinely have no sign of danger and am now curious “Go on then”. I head over to their van and watch as they take out 2 cases. 1 very large and long and 1 very short. To me, the guns look menacing, we talk about gun licenses, the make of the guns etc and as much as I would love to share this information with you, I didn’t retain it. All I am thinking at this time is there is no way I am touching these guns. Not because I don’t want to know how they feel, by now, I’m super curious, they are shiny and look really smooth to touch, but in my mind I’m thinking: If this person is a murderer (I really don’t believe they are) but if they are, there is no way my fingerprints are going anywhere near those guns! We chat for a while longer, I oo and arr and thank them for this unexpected experience, their company and the knowledge regarding van life that they’ve imparted to me and say my goodbyes. I climb into my van and think what a random, wonderful encounter into my journey of ‘I don’t know’ and trusting in the universe that was. It isn’t until the next day, driving up the coast into Wales that I think how great it would have been to get photos of the guns for this blog and to have taken the persons email address. Mmmm if I decide to write a book one day I must get better at collecting data as I go.
It’s only day 6 of our adventure yet I feel we’ve been gone for a month already. Camping can feel like that can’t it? A weekend away can feel like a week and a week like a month. It’s another scorching hot day, Izzy and I are done with the heat. I’m really tired, I look at Izzy and she appears to be ageing before my eyes. I worry about her now that she’s heading towards her 13th birthday. In the last 6 months I’ve noticed a real change in her. She’s slowed down and I’m reluctantly adjusting to her wanting to do a lot less. She really is happiest when she’s in the garden at home with her brothers. Some days she doesn’t want to walk at all and that is the oddest experience. I used to walk her at least 3 x a day for an hour each time just to have a little peace at home. In fact, I set up a dog walking business as I was walking her so much, I wondered if I could at least get paid for the amount of time I was spending on walks. Worked out rather well that did. I have Izzy to thank for that 8 year business, we made so many awesome 4 pawed friends in those years, we only retired from the business last year. I want to take this trip with her whilst she’s still able to do it but I do worry that maybe I should have done it sooner in her life. I remind myself to focus on the moment, to what is happening in the here and now and I see the sun shining, the vibrant green of our surroundings, Izzy sleeping in her bed on the passenger seat beside me and my worries are gone for a while. Being present in the moment brings a relief from worry and fear. Right here, right now, in this exact moment, I am well, Izzy is well.
Wales
I take in the impressiveness of the Severn bridge, as I drive over. It spans the river Severn and connects England with Wales. Built in the 60s and opened by the queen. I get the sense that I’m entering another country as the Welcome to Wales sign share the Welsh language with all that travel across her. I’m reminded of an episode of The Crown, when Prince Charles is given the title Prince of Wales and his reluctance of being made to follow his duty as Prince. It once again gives me a deep sense of gratitude for the life I lead, the freedom of choice that I have, having been born into my working-class family. I wasn’t brought up like so many others who have expectations on how they should live their lives. The expectations my sister and I had placed upon us were more to do with our character development than the kind of job we should have or the kind of house we should live in. I can’t tell you how many times, when challenging stuff (or as I judged in the day, bad stuff) happened, I would hear my parents say: “It’s good for you, it’s character building”. There were many times in my 20’s when I hollered “How strong does my character have to be?” Up until, perhaps my 30s, I really believed in a happy ever after. Like at some point all ‘the bad stuff’ would come to an end and everything after that would be happy ever after. I remember my Mum saying that I would be forever disappointed if I didn’t let go of that belief.
Beliefs
They can be useful and just as un-useful these ‘things’ we call beliefs. This journey I’m taking is founded on the belief that there is an energy outside and inside of myself that is guiding me, and that as long as I stay true to myself and listen and act upon that guidance and truth, all will be as it’s meant to be.
We can carry a lot of old beliefs around with us without realising we even have them. Like me, unconsciously believing that all the bad stuff would end and then it would just be good stuff. I didn’t realise I had that going on until my Mum pointed it out. Beliefs can be looked upon like computer programmes. Every now and again they require an update. It’s good to check in with ourselves and ‘see’ what beliefs are running around inside of us. Again, mindfulness, meditation and mind calm help massively in the development of this skill. You can however make a start by simply becoming curious as to what beliefs you have. Do you believe that all’s well that ends well or that everything goes wrong eventually anyway? Or maybe you have one of the old favourites of ‘I’m not good enough’. Once you’ve located one of your beliefs, it’s good to ask a simple question of ‘Is this still true for me? Is it definitely still true/not true? Is this belief helpful/resourceful for me? Is there a belief that might suit me better? If/when you locate a better version of an outdated/un-useful belief you can then turn that new belief into an affirmation. (I shall talk about the power of affirmations in a later blog) For example, when I used this formula on my old belief it went something like this:
Old Belief: All the bad stuff ends and then it’s happy ever after
Is this still true for me? No, it doesn’t seem to be true at all!
Is it definitely not true for you? It hasn’t been so far, so no, it’s definitely not true right now
Is this belief helpful/resourceful? No, it keeps leading me to be disappointed every time something goes ‘wrong’ or that I don’t expect. It’s like I’m surprised that another unexpected ‘bad’ thing has happened.
Is there a belief that might suit me/help me better? Sometimes stuff happens that I don’t like but I always survive and grow from it.
Affirmation created: I grow and survive every time something happens that I don’t expect.
A very quick note on affirmations. For now, please just use positive action language in an affirmation.
IE: The statement ‘Don’t fall off the curb’. The mind hears the action of ‘fall off the curb’, it doesn’t hear the don’t. So instead, you would ideally say, stay on the pavement. It’s like ‘Don’t spill that’. The action the mind hears is ‘Spill that’. Instead, maybe say: ‘Keep that cup/bowl steady’. I hope this makes even a bit of sense as I touch on this so briefly. Feel free to email with any questions.
Continuing on…..We find ourselves in Wales, after 2 nights in a carpark I want a campsite. I want to relax and I want access to a shower. We drive the coast road from South up to the middle point and find ourselves in St David’s. The campsite advertises that its next to a beach. I want simplicity and ease, I’m in. I drive in and the guy in reception is taken aback that I’ve driven to this far out a place without a reservation. There’s space. I find a spot, grab my swim stuff and am literally now desperate to cool off in the ocean. Turns out it’s a 45 minute walk away. The heat is scorching and again I worry about Izzy. I’m tired, it’s that time of the month ladies and quite honestly at this point I want to curl up with Izzy under the van and wake up in a few days time. I remind myself that it’s easy to practice what we teach when all is going how we want it, when all is going well. The true test of character comes when things are tough. I have met so many coaches, spiritual teachers, therapists, mindfulness experts over the years who appear to be good at what they do, then the s**t hits the fan and they fall apart, forgetting everything they know. It’s O.K to fall apart of course, it’s part of our human journey, however it’s also important to remember all that we know and put it into practice. Words are easy, actions are what make us who we are.
My feeling is we are to head off on the coast path, my mind doesn’t want to but I trust the feeling and set off. After reaching an option of a right or left turn, I choose left and set off down the path for perhaps only 10 minutes before passing a family along the way. “Is this the way to the beach?” “They look at me, look at each other and reply “No, the only beach around here is about an hours walk in the other direction, it’s the only one for miles and will be really busy today. There’s a rock that you can jump off and they hire out boards and kayaks”. I’m sweltering and my mood immediately plummets, this type of beach is my idea of hell, especially today. I just want some quiet and I feel my senses need soothing not stimulating. I reply with a gentle smile “Oh no that doesn’t sound like my kind of place, me and the pooch are however desperate for a swim”. They beam an understanding smile my way and suggest that I continue walking in the direction I’m heading. “Keep going, a few minutes further on you’ll find a swim spot, it’s a little busier than usual but you can get in the sea”. I thank them and about 3 minutes later Izzy and I turn a corner and are presented with the most beautiful little bay. There’s just 5 people on it and the water is so clear I can see straight through to the bottom of the sea bed. Before I’ve even begun to make my way down the skinny path, Izzy is swimming around in the bay with her eyes beckoning for me to join her.
The ocean is cold! Colder than Cornwall but such a relief. I feel totally blessed to have been guided here. Thank you universe! We spend the day swimming and sitting quietly, many times we have the place to ourselves. It’s just locals that appear now and again for a quick dip then move on. It reminds me of home. The rugged cliffs, the turquoise water and I begin to wonder why I am on this trip. I don’t know about you ladies that are reading this, but when it’s that time of the month my thinking can go a bit squiffy. I feel a bit home sick today and although I’m in a beautiful place I want to be at home, with a fridge that has cooling drinks in it, I want my shower and my super comfortable bed. There’s also no phone or wifi signal so I can’t work from here, I begin to worry about how I am going to connect with my clients the day after tomorrow. It’s too hot to close the van doors with Izzy and I in it, I remind myself that right now I’m in a beautiful place, today is not the day to be making a decision and I can think about it again tomorrow.
After a good nights sleep I decide we must move on today and find a place with signal. Driving away from St Davids I’ve no idea where I’m headed and begin to wonder whether I need to book a hotel for a couple of days so that I can comfortably see tomorrows clients. I worry about Izzy barking if people walk past the hotel room. Ideally somebody would look after Izzy while I work. I consider driving home. It’s not ideal travelling and working in this heat. I don’t want to go home just yet. Yes I’m a little home sick but I know it will pass. I don’t know what to do. I remember a Taoist saying ‘If you don’t know what to do don’t do anything until you do’. I pull over and ask the universe for help. As before, I need inspiration quickly, it’s too hot for a furry 4 paws to be sat in this heat for any length of time. A friends face comes clear as day into my mind. It’s my friend Janet. Janet lives on a farm up in Yorkshire she’s been there a goof few years and I haven’t visited. There’s 1 bar of internet signal on my phone but no phone signal. Right, If this message goes through and she replies in 5 minutes I shall head off to Yorkshire if not I shall take it as a sign that I’m meant to go home and restart this journey when the heat wave has passed. I explain in the message about needing somewhere to work from tomorrow and that I am either heading to hers or home and either way is O.K with me, I shall take her decision as the way it’s meant to be. Within 2 minutes of sending the message I get a reply “Can’t speak, here’s my address, come to mine, see you later”. I’m filled with joy, type in her address and set off. It feels good to be driving towards an actual destination and to know that by this evening I will be in the company of a great friend that I’ve had for 20 plus years. I’ve no idea as I sing out loud, beaming grateful vibes out into the universe, that whilst I’m on route, Janet’s going to receive a call that will sadly, once again, change her life forever.