The final adventure – Part 1
Izzy and I discuss our next location. Those of you that have dogs, or pets, or simply know people with dogs or pets, may understand how absolutely doable these conversations are. Did you know that 97 percent of our communication happens through our body rather than through our words? So, if you think animals don’t speak, just watch them. They are speaking to you all the time. We just need to pay attention and learn their language.
Anyway, when making our decision I again trust my feeling. Whenever I have options in life, I try those options on very much like I’m trying on clothes. Right now, I have 3 items to choose from. Scotland, The lakes or somewhere else. My decision making goes something like this;
Closing my eyes, I take a long slow breath and relax my body. I then imagine item 1. Scotland. In my mind I see myself there, having never been I’m not sure what image I’m conjuring up so I have the word Scotland in my minds and pay attention to the feeling I get. Is it heavy or light is it smooth or edgy or something else? I’ve learnt that for me, the light, smooth feeling is the one I follow as this feeling tends to lead to lovely experiences and if there are not so good experiences on route, I trust that this was the experience I was meant to have. I then shake that off, literally, physically shake my body, take a long slow breath, relax and try on item 2, the lakes. Now I have been there, I worked there years ago, right on the side of Lake Windemere, absolutely beautiful, however I don’t want to be influenced by past experiences today so I picture the word the lakes and notice what feeling I get. I do the same with other. Here’s the outcome
Scotland – Light but there’s an edge running behind it
The Lakes – heavy
Other – Light
MMM I look at Izzy, I really thought we were headed to either the Lakes or Scotland but it seems we’re not. ‘Where we going then Izz?’ Izzy responds by looking directly at me and then looking at the water in the quarry, she repeats this a few times until I say ‘You want another swim hey?’ her tail wags immediately, she jumps up and shakes herself off preparing for another a dip in ‘her’ pool. ‘Sounds like a good idea Izz’. I’ve found that when I don’t know the answer to something, sitting there letting the question roll around in my head just allows me to focus more on the question than on the solution. I look at the sky and, in my head, I say ‘O.K universe, let me know where you want us to head next.’ After a stone throwing session watching Izzy swim, I make breakfast and take it that we’re staying here for another day. Paying for an extra 24 hours of parking while my coffee brews, I’m slightly confused but decide that we’ll go off walking another section of the wall, while I’m prepping my backpack for a day of hiking, Kelly’s plans for her summer holidays out of school are not working out how she wants them to.
Her new van has broken and she is having difficulty getting it fixed. Trying desperately to sort the van so that she’s able to meet up with Izzy and I she is understandably upset. In her mind she was going to spend the spare time of her summer holidays catching up with Izzy and I wherever we are. This now doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen.
My day pack is organised when I get the feeling that it’s time to move on. ‘I’ve just paid for another 24’ hours I say to the universe. Shutting up the van and heading across the road to begin our hike in the opposite direction I get an incredibly strong unsettled feeling that runs down behind my solar plexus into my tummy. I climb the stile intending to follow the river into the nearest town a few miles away. The feeling isn’t settling so I stop. Using my mind, I imagine myself in the van, driving. The feeling calms. Looking at the sky I say (in my head) ‘Seriously? We’re moving on today?’ The feeling remains calm. Turning around, heading back towards the van which is only a 5 minute walk away, my head is peed off but my core is calm. ‘Flippin heck Izz, I really wanted to check out this village’. Izzy is happily strolling in front of me, relieved at not being made to do a long walk (she knows the packing of the bag means a good few hours strolling). I am irritated. I’ve no clue where I’m driving to and I don’t have any idea of a location. Making sure everything in the van is prepped for driving takes about 20 minutes before I can climb into the drivers seat. Izzy is sat looking like the cat that got the cream while I’m still confused and a bit grumpy. It gets me to thinking about expectations.
The word expectations according to the English Dictionary means: A strong belief that something will happen or will be the case. It was suggested to me by a spiritual friend, probably 4 years ago, that I watch my expectations. This was a brand new concept for me. Until I began to meditate on my expectations and bring them into my field of conscious awareness, expectations wasn’t something I’d ever thought much about. It turns out by observing my expectations and minimising them, I’ve had access to the feeling of joy so much more. I’m going to attempt to explain, briefly, what I mean. Here’s what I hope is an example;
By the time Izzy was 3 I’d been training her for 3 whole years. I wanted a dog that I didn’t have to walk on a lead and that would follow me and do as I asked. I accepted that this may take a couple of years and deciphered it would be worth the effort as, hopefully, she would live well into her teens and the reward would far out way the time it took. I put hours of training into her. I’d taught her to wait at curbs, to sit when requested, to walk alongside me without her lead, to take things out of my hand gently, to not jump up at people, to sit outside a shop without wondering off, to run alongside my bike without a lead. To not chase sheep, horses, bikes, skateboards, cars, children and basically anything that moved fast! By the time she was 3 we had all of this sorted. All of the training paid off and people regularly commented on how amazing a dog she was. Then she turned 4. I’ve no idea what happened but it was like all of the training vanished and suddenly she did what she wanted. She growled at other dogs so much that people crossed the street away from us, she chased children (I was mortified) and became an absolute bugger. She had to be put back on a lead and as you can probably imagine, I was majorly disappointed and upset. My expectation was that I had finished the training and that I wouldn’t have to do it again. Had I have expected to always have to remind her of the ‘rules’ I wouldn’t have been so utterly disappointed. Today, if I make plans, I expect those plans to happen however I also am accepting that they may not, this saves me from major disappointment. Most of the time. As you can see by my grumpy mood about the walk not turning out as I expected, that I haven’t mastered this yet! I have however found, the sooner I can get into the acceptance of something not being as I expected, the sooner I’m back in an equilibrium place of calm. I remember this as I prepare to drive away from the Northumberland quarry to who knows where. As I prepare to drive away the heavens open, I did not see this coming. Raindrops the size of golf balls fall from the sky. O.K, maybe not quite that big but they were big heavy raindrops.
Realising the morning hasn’t gone as expected, and accepting that has brought me calm, makes me smile as I chuckle lightly at the fact I can have the quietest expectations running around inside me without me even knowing they are there. ‘I’m going to run a workshop on this’ I think as I turn the engine on. So many people are unhappy and it can be as simple as recognising our expectations aren’t being met and when we learn how to accept that and be O.K with it, life becomes so much more joyful. In my day to day life I laugh a lot. In fact. My neighbours say they always know when I’m home because they hear me laughing. I genuinely, these days, find joy in so many things.
Turning on the engine the van screams at me, F##k. I’d forgotten about that. Following my previous pattern, I turn the engine on and off again and it continues to scream at me. F##k. The music can’t be turned up loud enough for me to drown it out. F##k. Well Izz, lets drive into that village I wanted to check out and see if there’s a garage.
After a few minutes of driving, the van stops screaming. Pulling into a carpark space, my phone rings, it’s Kelly. She’s incredibly upset, her van still isn’t fixed. We’ve chatted about expectations before and now isn’t the time to remind her of that. It’s totally understandable that she’s upset. I’m upset too. I’d love to see her but I also accept that it may not happen and if that’s the case that’s just the way it’s meant to be at the moment. Kelly isn’t at that point. ‘I’m trying to be positive’ she says ‘But I’m just so disappointed and pissed off’. Now, this IS something I’m going to write an entire blog on. I feel so strongly about it. It is O.K to not be O.K. It is O.K to be upset and it is definitely O.K to not be positive. There is a huge difference between positivity and optimism. I lived in the lie of positivity for years and quite frankly it can be bloomin’ dangerous! We do not have to be positive all the time! In fact, being positive all the time is a denial of the negative and this is just as unhealthy as being negative all the time. We are human and it is vital that every emotion is experienced. We must not deny the negative. We must not live only in the positive.
Now, off my soap box I climb and discuss with Kelly that if I choose a destination within a couple of hours to her, she can borrow her Mums car and we can meet for a day regardless. Kelly is upset that this is not what she wants to do but we agree it’s making the best of an unexpected situation. We sit on the phone, each with a map of the U.K and begin to talk about potential meet up locations. Following the same process of ‘trying on’ as earlier, it seems North Wales is the way forward. It’s an hour from Kelly and I haven’t checked out the North Coast or been to Snowdonia which excites me.
Izzy and I have a destination. It’s gone midday, I want to get moving. We’ll definitely take a break on route so we can say its at least 5 ½ hours away. If we get there for 6.30, it gives us a few hours to settle before night fall. I haven’t wanted to arrive anywhere in the dark on this adventure if it can be avoided.
Having fallen in love with driving on this trip, I settle in. Coffee (My addiction) in the cup holder, water within reach, playlist loaded, google maps set up, Izzys water bowl and dried biscuits in the footwell. We’re off. The drive is pretty effortless. My poor geographical knowledge means I have no idea we are going to be guided past the Lake District. Stunning! So stunning in fact I’m tempted to alter my route and spend a couple of days mooching around here. No, I think, you’ve arranged to meet Kelly, keep moving. Updates from Kelly on route let me know that the van may be ready this evening enabling her to meet at the agreed date of tomorrow morning. I gently suggest we don’t have expectations of this happening but that if it does it will be lovely. By the time 7pm comes around I’m finding us entering a place called Rhyl in North Wales. Honestly, this is not my usual choice of place. I feel like we’ve landed in a kind of Blackpool style town. There’s rubbish all over the streets and roads. This upsets me. I didn’t mention it in the last blog but whilst walking along Hadrians wall, I picked up a coke can that somebody had dumped on the wall. Seriously, they’d crushed it and dumped it on top of Hadrians wall. I do my best to practice non judgment and to mind my expectations of others but I’ve not mastered this, it’s a continuous practice and I genuinely find it really upsetting that as a human race we can still be so bloomin’ mindless! There are bins here too, empty bins! It’s not like they’re overloaded and the rubbish has overspilled and been blown down the pavements. The bins are empty. We humans are actually eating takeaway and then just dropping our rubbish on the streets!
I spent 6 months in India a while ago. Back then, they didn’t have rubbish services who came along to empty bins, this meant there was rubbish everywhere. I remember thinking then how fortunate we are in our 1st world country to have such privileges. People coming along collecting our rubbish so that we don’t have to walk amongst peoples trash. In Rhyl, I may as well be in India 20 years back. Absolutely shocking! When I’ve calmed myself internally, I ponder on the link between disrespecting our external environment and disrespecting ourselves. Is it true that those that dump rubbish on the street have less respect for themselves than those that put rubbish in the bin? If that’s true, can I feel some compassion for those that are dumping rubbish on the streets? My phone interrupts my ponder:
‘I’m f##ked off, I’ve had enough, the vans still not fixed’ Kelly’s really upset. ‘I’m sorry about that Kel, there’s bugger all we can do about it though, let’s see what tomorrow brings’.
‘I’ve spoken to Mum and she says I can borrow her car so me and Dougie (the crazy jack Russel) can at least come drive down each day to see you. Have you found somewhere to stay, what do you think of Rhyl?’
‘It’s not my kinda place Kel, I’ll hang around here tomorrow to see if your van gets sorted but I’m not doing more than a day here. There’s rubbish everywhere, there’s archades and chippies. Not mine and Izzy’s usual choice of stopover but we can do 24 hours, I’ve got work to do tomorrow anyway so I’ll concentrate on that’.
‘Where have you found to stay?’
Laughing I reply ‘It’s definitely not a place you’ll want to stay, I’m back in a carpark. It’s opposite a boat yard. It’s only about 5 minutes from the beach so that’s a bonus. The days getting on so I don’t want to keep looking, it feels safe enough even though it’s not overly attractive. There’s supermarkets opposite too so at least I can go buy Izzy some chicken tomorrow.’
‘I’m just gutted’ says Kelly.
‘I know Kel but remember, the sooner we get acceptance over the way something is the sooner we’re at peace’
‘Right, I’m going to get on my sofa and read my book, I’ll call you tomorrow with the van update’.
‘Everything is just the way it’s meant to be even if we can’t see the reason for it. Right, I’m going to get me and Izzy settled in our boatyard parking spot’.
It surprises me how safe I feel in this carpark. I have the very settled feeling I get when I just know I’m meant to be somewhere. I’ve no idea why I’m meant to be here but I am so let’s go with it.
Izzy and I sleep really well, no waking through the night at all. We begin the day by walking the 5 minutes to the beach (or I could say wading our way through rubbish to get to the beach) sorry, I’ll stop going on about it in a minute. I’ve no bin bags left so make a mental note to pick some up from the supermarket after our walk. Everywhere we’ve been on this journey we’ve collected rubbish. I see this as a human problem and not a ‘I didn’t do it therefore I shouldn’t have to pick it up’ problem. I have a net bag that I carry on my back pack. I fill that in a matter of seconds. The sky is heavy with dark clouds so we walk enough for Izzy to do her business and head back to the van.
‘Fancy chicken today Izz?’ Izzy reacts to the word chicken the same way she reacts to the word swimming. ‘C’mon then, we’ll go get it now’. Jumping in the front of the van we start the engine and are welcomed by the almighty scream. ‘Bugger Izz, We’re going to have to make that todays priority, it’s not going away is it?’. The usual turning the engine on and off doesn’t help. Driving out of the carpark with a screaming engine draws attention. The heavens have opened, the rain is lashing down and the van is creaming. To my right, near the entrance of the boatyard is a shipping container which is being used as an anglers shop. There’s 3 men stood outside staring at the van. I turn it off and back on again, the usual scream occurs and all 3 men look again. Winding down my window I shout out ‘that doesn’t sound good does it?’
With a look that I take to mean ‘Is she for real?’ 1 of the men says ‘No, that definitely doesn’t sound good’
‘Do you think it’s a dangerous sound?’ I ask. They look at each other and 1 of the men responds ‘It sounds like your belts’
‘I had a new alternator fitted a few weeks ago so it can’t be the belts surely?’
‘Pull in here, let’s take a look’.
Lifting the bonnet, 2 of the guys poke their head in. It’s the belts, you’ve got brand new belts on and they’ve loosened off. They need tightening up.
‘Is that an easy job?’
‘If I had the tools I’d do it for you, hang on a minute’
The guy that appears to own the shop joins in ‘ I’ll go get the tools off my boat when this rain passes. Are you in a rush?’
‘Wow, thank you so much, no, I’m not in a rush at all, I’m really grateful for your help’.
A van pulls up outside and the owner of the shop says to him ‘You got any tools in your van?’
‘Yeah, I’ve got them all in there, what do you need?’
In the lashing down rain, between 3 strangers, they fix my van in the space of maybe 30 minutes.
I am filled with gratitude and thank them profusely whilst asking for their photo for the blog. Meet the gents below and if you ever find yourself in Rhyl go shop at the Anglers shop.
Van fixed I’m on cloud 9. The sun is shining brightly on my insides. Izzy gets her chicken and is a very happy 4 paws. We spend the day protected from the horrendous weather warm and cosy inside the van. I work until late afternoon when I then enjoy having the time (and the ingredients) to cook up meatballs and spaghetti whilst watching the series Modern Love on Prime. Love this series!
I do enjoy cooking; I find cooking a real comfort. It brings with it a real homely feel. No matter where I am in the world, if I’m able to cook, I feel at home. I also enjoy eating! It’s something I am constantly watching. I put weight on easily when I’m not mindful of the food I’m choosing. I love sweet food and I love fatty food as much as I love greens and lean meats. I can easily get carried away munching on a large box of Maltesers whilst watching a movie. Do you ever do that or is it just me? Engrossed in a movie or series and you put your hand in the box to reach for another ball of chocolatey biscuity loveliness, only to find they’re all gone! Surprises me every time!
7.30pm The phone rings, it’s Kelly, ‘The vans sorted, we’re on our way to pick it up. Me and Dougie will be with you in the morning’.
‘Fabulous, can’t wait!’
As you have probably noticed, I’ve gone way over my usual word count and Izzy and I haven’t made it to the end of our adventure yet. I’m hoping it’s O.K with you, that this post is now part 1 of our final journey. The journey continues, same time next week, thank you for reading and being a part of our adventure, Lisa and Izzy?