Sri Lanka part 9 – Coconuts….Why meditate?
We’ve been on the island about 4 days. I’ve got better at wood collecting. I’m still no good at making the actual fire, it dies out and I lose patience. Stu and Russel located a water source about a 2-hour hike through the forest. I’m yet to collect the water. We have a rota. Having a routine to follow feels good. A solid framework to move around in. Our day follows meal times. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. The fire is lit just before dark ready to cook our cordon blur super noodles. Dinner takes place, with all 5 of us together, around the fire. I enjoy the warmth that being in a group brings. In the morning the water and wood are gathered. Camp is tidied and swept through with our make shift broom: Leaves on a wooden stick tied with twine. I love this broom. Sweeping and tidying is something I can do. I love tidying camp. It’s also the job of the sweeper to make sure there’s no scorpions hiding. I saw one yesterday. Huge thing! Don’t fancy getting stung by that. Stu has a spear and fishing rod that he’s made up. He’s very happy with himself. As will we be, when he catches something. Chicken super noodles are O.K but another couple of days of them and I’ll be over it. We’ve found plenty of coconuts. I always thought coconuts were brown hairy things so am surprised when we find them bald and green. ‘Just means they’re young coconuts Lisa,’ says Debbie ‘They go brown as they mature. These green ones will be mostly water on the inside. The thick white flesh in the brown ones means less fluid inside.’ ‘I’m learning lots every day Debbie’ I say joyously. Being a 4 hour round trip for our nearest water source means these coconuts are going to prove very useful! Learning how to chop the tops off takes a few attempts before ‘we’ mastered the art of keeping the liquid inside. Until this, my life experience of eating coconuts, is in a bounty bar. These don’t taste anything like a chocolatey bounty. Once I get past the surprise of the non-coconutty coconut, I quite enjoy it. I’m really grateful for the fluid. It’s like every cell in my body breathes a sigh of relief when I drink it. It’s super-hot here and we’re needing to be incredibly mindful about the amount of water we’re using.
It’s about 11am. Stu’s gone off to practice his fishing skills, Clive’s taking respite from his nights sleeping on the ground and is swinging on his side in my hammock. His gaze shows he’s drifted off someplace else. I’ve tied some rope around a tree base, to the right, long enough to hang over the centre of the hammock. It means you can lie in it, pull the rope and swing effortlessly. Total bliss!
Russel and Debbie are on water fetching duty. I’ve collected the wood, prepped the fire and scorpion hunted. We have a ‘kitchen’ area. The food stuffs are in a bucket with a lid on hanging from a tree. Clean pots and pans are stacked underneath.
When I questioned the need for our food to be hanging from a tree, I got the usual eye roll and smile from Stu as he states ‘We’re not the only ones in the forest Lis, If we leave food unattended it will be gone by morning. We need to make it difficult to get to and at least give us forewarning that it’s about to be taken’. ‘Dear God! We’re really in a rain forest, aren’t we?’ My childlike wonder at this brand-new environment is constant. I feel very much like a toddler at times just learning to walk in the world. It’s why I’ve enjoyed the sweeping and the pot washing. They’re both familiar and I don’t have to ask for instructions. Well, kind of. Once I’d got my head around using sand as a brillo pad for the pans. Every single experience here is new.
Checking the ground first for any creepy crawlies, I sit under the shade of a tree and look at the tropical view in front of me. It’s hard to believe I’m here. Thankyou life for those books. Thankyou life for the people you’ve sent to me…..
Making my way back into the darkness of my room, I pull the duvet up high but turn on the bedside lamp. Lying on my side hidden as far beneath the duvet as possible whilst still being able to see, I take 1 of the books out of the bag. The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. Folding half of my pillow under itself so that I have a bit of height, I turn the book over and read the back:
‘The Celestine Prophecy contains secrets that are currently changing our world. Drawing on the ancient wisdom found in a Peruvian manuscript, it tells you how to make connections between the events happening in your own life right now….and lets you see what is going to happen to you in the years to come.
The story it tells is a gripping one of adventure and discovery, but also a guidebook that has the power to crystalize your perceptions of why you are where you are in life….and to direct your steps with a new energy and optimism as you head into tomorrow. A book that comes along just once in a life time to change lives forever.
I don’t even bother taking out the 2nd book. Dropping the bag to the floor I start to read. I can’t believe what my eyes are reading:
‘For half a century now, a new consciousness has been entering the human world, a new awareness that can only be called transcendent, spiritual. If you find yourself reading this book, then perhaps you already sense what is happening, already feel it inside.
It begins with a heightened perception of the way our lives move forward. We notice those chance events that occur at just the right moment, and bring forth just the right individuals, to suddenly send our lives in a new and important direction.’
The 2 Johns appear in my mind like a lightning bolt. My heart beats faster and I sit bolt upright in bed. For a minute I just stare at the book like it holds some kind of magic power. It’s like it’s describing exactly where I’m at. When people are scared, they either put up a fight, take flight or freeze. I freeze. Not the most useful response but that’s my response. I’m now sat frozen in bed staring at the page. I can hear my heart smashing against my chest. I’d never met John until a few days ago and why I asked him if he had a book for me to read is well, just, bonkers. I’ve never asked a stranger that question. Thawing out slightly, I know I’m in for a long read. Every single part of me feels alive. I haven’t felt like this in, well, I don’t know how long. Holding the book open with one hand, I find a comfortable, upright position against the headboard. 1 paragraph in and already I’m hooked.
‘No way!! Check out rainforest man over there!’ Clive’s voice reels me into the present. Following the line of his gaze I see Stu walking towards us, chest puffed out like some giant mountain gorilla. His right arm is raised and swinging from his hand is a….fish! ‘Oh my god, he’s only gone and caught one!’ I say laughing cheerily while at the same time feeling a bit uneasy by the sight of the poor creature captured and killed by us invaders. Stu is looking incredibly proud. I don’t want to dappen his triumph so put the feeling to one side. He’s laughing and smiling and his eyes are sparkling brightly. ‘So Lis, you ready to learn how to gut a fish.’ ‘I am not!’ ‘You won’t be eating any then will ya’. ‘Apparently not, it’s all yours, I’ve got plenty of super noodles left thanks!’ I realise I’ve never eaten fish. Even at the chippy I’d have battered sausage. Fish was always too expensive. The meals I remember growing up were mash potatoes and veg and as we hit our teens, I remember Mum starting to do shepherd’s pie and casseroles. Fish has never been on the menu and as I watch this one swinging from Stu’s hand, I’m thinking super noodles and coconuts will see me through the next 6 weeks just fine.
Checking my watch, it’s not quite 12. Russel and Debbie should be back soon. It’s an early chore, the water collecting. It’s a heavy job carrying 2 x 10 litre plastic containers each, full of water back through the rainforest so it’s vital whoever’s on duty is back before the midday heat kicks in. Something catches my attention, ‘What’s that?’ I think as I head back into the sea to cool off. The only sound around as I walk across the silky sand is the gently lapping of the crystal clear water as it kisses the shore. There’s a tiny shadow on the horizon. Knee deep into the water now, I’m momentarily distracted as I breathe a sigh of relief feeling the cooling water caress my legs. ‘Awww that feels so good’. Even though I’m wearing factor 30 (Should have brought 50!) My skin feels like a crispy baked potato straight out of the oven. Allowing myself to let go and sink under the water is pure paradise. I swim like a mermaid along the sea bed for as long as my breath allows. It feels dream like.
Slowly rising up, as if I’m in some kind of T.V advert. Surfacing with head up, back arched, face to the sky, eyes closed, I gently wipe the salt from my eyes. Taking a fulfilling breath, I’m about to dip again when my eyes are drawn once more towards the horizon. I can still see that small shadow. Could it be a dolphin? ‘Oooo that’s exciting. Imagine swimming with dolphins in the wild!’ Lolling around for a while, lying on my back, using my hands and arms, a lot less elegantly than the synchronised swimmers might, I’m floating easily. It’s as if the heat of the sun is reaching into the muscles of my body and giving every one of them a gentle soothing massage. Every muscle being softened and soothed at the same time. With the cooling water on my back, I’m relaxed. In this moment, I feel completely at home in this foreign land. Relaxing deeper, I soften into the water once more and feel the cooling water wash over my face. Here and now, every worry, every tension has melted away. I lift up and take another deep, fulfilling breath. Eyes drifting towards the horizon the shadow is a little closer. Squinting my eyes tightly, as if somehow that’s going to help me see better, I focus hard. What is that? After a few moments of staring I wonder if it could be a boat. A boat! Catching my breath, I wade out of the sea ‘Clive, Stu do you think that could be a boat?’ They’re enthralled with preserving the catch of the day until dinner time. ‘Stu, Clive, do you think that could be a boat?’ I say louder, now half way up the beach towards the outline of our camp in the trees. I turn back around, with a slightly higher view, a bit more eye squinting and the old hand over the eyes stance, it looks like it could well be a fishing boat. It looks like it could be the wooden row boat that we got here in. ‘Oh my god! If that’s a boat we can organise a lift for getting off of here!’ We can tell it may take a while before we get a full view of the shadow. Stu goes back to finish off doing what he’s doing to the fish then joins Clive and I. We sit, all 3 of us, alongside each other, in a row, in silence, just watching. The shadow is definitely heading in our direction. None of us move. I have mixed feelings of excitement that we are safe and apprehension that the boat is carrying more westerners. We may only have been here 4 days but it feels like weeks and these potential arrivals feel like an intrusion. ‘If that’s a boat I’m getting on it’. This is Clive. ‘What? You can’t go?’ ‘Yes, I can, this is isn’t for me. If that’s a boat I’m out of here.’ With that he stands up, hands on hips and stares as the shadow takes a more solid shape. ‘It’s a boat and it looks like the same boat we arrived on’. With that, Clive heads into camp and immediately dismantles his ‘tent’. I have a heavy feeling in my stomach. Although I don’t know Clive any better today than I did on the boat journey here, he’s definitely been the quieter of all of us, I feel really unsettled with him packing to leave. Stu and I stand, the energy is unsettled. We’re much more upright. There are people in the boat. 5, including the fisherman. ‘Oh god what if they’re nutters?’ I hear my Mums voice in my head ‘What if they’re murderers and rapists?’ Oh my god! I’m walking closer to the ocean. I want to set eyes on these new arrivals. I want to see their eyes. If they feel ‘wrong’ I’m off out of here too. My ears tune into their language. I don’t know it. I think its German. My brain searches it’s memory bank for any past connections with Germans. Nope. Don’t know any Germans. Oh wait a minute. Yes I do. I worked on reception with that German girl in London. On my first day I said ‘Hi, how are you?’ her response ‘Why do you English ask how people are when you just respond with I’m O.K. You don’t really want to know how somebody is’. She took me by surprise but I could see her point, I pondered on that for a while and since then I only ask the question if I want to know the true answer. We ended up getting on great. She was straight talking and I like that. I know where I am with a straight talker. Wonder if that’s a German trait like holding in emotions is an English trait? I’m about to find out if these lot are German and here to stay. Neither us or them are waving.
‘Complete todays guided meditation by scanning your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Simply draw your attention through each part of your body inviting calm into each part.’
‘I wonder if everybody else’s mind drifts off or is it just me? I’ve been gone ages again! I’m no good at this meditation stuff. Is that a judgment? Telling myself I’m no good at it? He said to not judge others or ourselves, didn’t he? O.K, let’s just breath. Breathe in 1 breathe out 1, breathe in 2 breathe out 2, breathe in 3 breathe out 3, breathe in 4 breathe out 4, breathe in 5 breathe out 5, breathe in 6 breathe out 6, breathe in 7 breathe out 7, breathe in 8….
The bell chimes indicating the end of the session.
‘For the next 45 minutes we will have a teaching. Today, I will discuss the popular question of: Why meditate? He smiles a wide, eye sparkling smile, as if he’s holding onto some extremely funny secret. I can’t help but smile with him, though I’ve no idea why I’m smiling. ‘Actually, maybe I do know why I’m smiling with him. It matches what The Celestine Prophecy says about people’s energy affecting our own energy’. I tune back into Godwin
‘What I would suggest is that what one tries to do in meditation, is to find out how our minds work experientially. To look at the different dimensions of our minds. To understand our bodies. Then through that understanding, to make an effort, to free ourselves from conflict and conditioning. To first realise we are conditioned. To realise that we have conflict, disappointments, frustration, and that we have stress. Then, to come to an understanding of these things, to see what these things do to us, and then to see if it’s possible to free ourselves from all that. Or, to put it another way, to see how far we can be free of our selfishness, self-centredness, and of our ego.’
Godwin is silent for a while, as if leaving space for the words to settle into our minds and bodies. I’m grateful for this. It feels like a lot of information in a really short space of time.
‘he’s said before that meditation is to find out how our mind and body work. I’m starting to get on board with that. When I breathe now, there’s moments when I feel my lungs expand, which makes my rib cage move, then my tummy expands. It’s like I’m watching my body from the inside out in meditation. I also noticed how when I felt excited about counting my breaths past 5, the feeling and thought shook up my mind, and thoughts started dancing around all over the place and the busier my thoughts are the shorter and faster my breath is. I’m not sure how that is going to free me from conflict and conditioning. Ha, it’s only day 2! I am realising how much conflict, disappointment and frustration I have in me. I wonder if that’s the cause of my depression and anxiety? Is that what he means by seeing what these things do to us?
Godwin continues
‘When we explore our minds the unconscious is very important: what we carry in our unconscious is our repressions, those things we have pushed away and denied, and in meditation we see how far we can be open to these things, if we can allow them to come up, and if we can deal with them.’
Little did I know at this point, that this could very well have been a warning of what was to come. I was soon to learn, in the darkness of the night, just how much I had been repressing.