Sri Lanka part 11 – The end becomes the dream
‘What’s going on?’ continues Debbie as she eyes Clive in the boat. I quickly explain the last few minutes activities while Stu chats to the boatman. The rickety wooden boat, that didn’t look like it would make the 1 journey with us, turns towards the horizon. Clive waves, plastic jug in hand ready for bailing. He doesn’t glance back as we watch the boat become smaller and smaller.
‘He’s coming back for us in 3 days’. Stu says as he saunters back up the beach in his sarong. ‘Loving that sarong aren’t you?’ I say teasing. ‘Might have to start wearing skirts when I get back to England’ he laughs.
‘At least we know how we’re getting off of here now, but why 3 days, where are you thinking of heading to next?’ Russel has finally spoken. His face looks drawn. Although tanned it looks drained of colour and his eyes don’t look as wide as normal. In fact, he looks quite lethargic.
Guiding Russel by his elbow I say ‘Russel, let’s go sit under the shade of that tree shall we.’ Nodding with my head I indicate a tree that provides shade and a full view of the tropical waters. ‘The heat is strong right now. I’ll get us some water. Stu, can you chop the top off a couple of coconuts. Debbie, how about joining us in the shade too? Some chill time would be good. It’s quite a task collecting the water it seems.’ Checking my watch, I can see they’re back a little later than ideally, they would be. It’s past midday and it’s way too hot to be doing any chores after 11.30am.
I notice that neither of them are too fussed about drinking the water or the coconut juice. I sit with them and gently encourage them to re-hydrate. Stu entertains them by proudly parading up and down in front of them playing charades until they guess what it is he’s saying. ‘I caught a fish! Says Debbie smiling. Russel gives a light hearted, but lazy chuckle, and they’re both impressed. With his ego sufficiently and kindly bolstered, Stu heads off in the hope of hooking more.
The rest of the day passes non eventfully. I continue to play ‘rehydration nurse’ and by evening, Russel and Debbie are back to being themselves again. This is definitely not a place for illness or injury. We’d be royally screwed.
Watching Stu gut the fish for dinner (he caught another!) I begin to ponder out loud on how life might be if I was to become a proper vegetarian. A month back, while waiting for a delayed train in India (a delayed train in India can regularly be a 12 hour delay and this one was!) I watch, horrified, as a caged trolley, filled from the ground to perhaps 7 feet high, is squashed full of caged chickens. It was so over packed their faces, wings and feet were protruding through the little square holes in the crates. I’ve heard people say so many times, animals don’t have feelings but that day I could see the fear and the absolute horror in their eyes as their screams echoed through the train station. My stomach turned over as if I’d just been dropped from the top of a steep roller coaster. ‘I can’t eat meat anymore’ I decide there and then.
‘This fish has been caught fair and square Lisa.’ Says Stu firmly and kindly. ‘Just me and my hand made fishing rod. It’s the way of the world. It’s the way it’s always been. We’re on a deserted Island, if we don’t eat fish we’re going to look like a processed super noodle or have the runs from too many coconuts. We’re just catching what we need to eat. No waste, no cruelty.’ I see his point, as does my grumbling belly.
The fish is wrapped in large leaves from the trees and placed in the sand on the edge of the fire. As close to an oven as we’re going to get here. The 4 of us sit, watching the dancing flames and enjoying the coolness of the night. The sound of the tiny waves lapping against the shore provide an hypnotic rhythm.
‘Wonder where Clive is?’ Russel eases us into the pre-dinner chat.
‘I hope he’s not at the bottom of the ocean’ giggles Debbie
‘Don’t joke about that’ I pipe in
‘Bet you any money, he’s gone to that island where everything’s pre made, the one those others were talking about’
‘Where do you think those new islanders have gone? Don’t you think it’s weird we haven’t seen them since they walked off?’
‘Not really, that dude at the back made it quite clear they wanted their own space’.
‘Wonder how far round they walked? Wonder how big this place actually is?’
The evening is spent wondering and joking about the others and Clive as well as discussing where and if we would all be leaving this island in 3 days time.
‘I’m up for moving on and finding another island.’ I say feeling quite excited at the thought. ‘There’s 333 of them, be a shame to just sit here on 1 of them for the entire 6 weeks’. All 3 of my camp mates agree.
The chores are complete and it’s time for sleep. Lying on my back, tucked up, gently pulling on the rope to swing myself softly to sleep, I stare up at the brightness of the stars through the trees. Mother nature really is an exquisite artist. I fall asleep with a sense of humble gratitude deep within my core.
As the sun rises, I lean lazily onto my side, dropping one arm down towards the sand like a rag doll. I love sleeping in this hammock. Who’d have thought I’d sleep so well, in a rainforest, hanging in a piece of silk. I have a big sleepy smile on my face. Looking out to see I watch an enormous shadow on the horizon. I look around at the others. They’re still sleeping. What is that? Undoing myself from my comfy cocoon is like unwrapping a well stuck pass the parcel present. It takes a bit of effort and I need to focus. Once free, I barefoot it across the fine sand. The shadow is definitely under water. It’s huge. Maybe as much as 100 feet wide. What is it? It’s coming in closer but very slowly. 10 minutes or more later, Stu appears next to me. ‘What do you think that is’? I ask.
‘I thought at first it was the shadow of dark clouds, but there aren’t any clouds. I’ve no idea’. We watch, for maybe 20 minutes, Debbie and Russel join us. None of us have any idea what it is. It retreats back to the horizon and out of sight.
‘Look down there’ Debbie nods with her head towards the end of the Island, just at the point where it’s about to turn around the bend. Stood there, watching the shadow, are yesterday’s arrivals. ‘I’d like to meet them. I’d like to learn more about the Island they’ve come from. If we’re out of here in 2 days, it could be good to find out what they know.’ I say this to the others, Debbie agrees ‘I’ll come with you, let’s have breakfast and go introduce ourselves.’ ‘You guys see what you can find out, I’m going fishing after we’ve eaten. Be great to have fish again’ Stu heads back towards camp.
‘I enjoyed that fish last night. My meat free life style lasted all of about 4 weeks. Maybe I’ll just eat fish’. I’m thinking out loud as the others head back towards camp.
‘That shadows coming back!’ I say excitedly and without any thought I continue ‘I’m going to get my snorkel and flippers, if it comes in closer I’m going in to see what it is.’
‘Not sure that’s a good idea Lisa, we don’t know what it is.’ Says rainforest man
‘We’re not going to find out stood here are we. Let’s see what happens. If it comes half way between us and the horizon, I’m going in’. With that I head off, collect my mask and snorkel and join the other 3 who are now sat on the beach watching the shadow.
‘That’s coming in closer now ‘says Debbie.
I look over to the other islanders who are obviously watching the same scenario unfold.
‘I’m really not sure about you going in there Lisa, we’ve no idea what it is’.
‘It has to be fish of some sort surely? What else could it be?’
‘Sharks Lisa, it could be a shiver of sharks.’
‘Well, if they come half way I’m going in.’ I say this but a feeling of nervousness has replaced some of the curiosity. ‘The universe has brought me here, to this phenomenal place that I didn’t know existed. Since I’ve trusted the flow, since I read a book called Celestine Prophecies, life’s changed dramatically.’
‘I’ve read that!’ Debbie says excitedly. ‘Amazing isn’t it?’
‘Right, they’re half way, I’m going in.’
‘If it’s not sharks and they look safe, give us the thumbs up’. Says Stu, heading off to grab his snorkelling gear.
Walking towards the water, flippers in my left hand, snorkel and mask in the right, I keep my eyes focused on the humongous shadow. ‘I really hope you’re friendlier than our human arrivals’ I say quietly inside my head.
Entering the water, I duck underneath, loving the feeling of the ocean washing over my entire body. Snorkel and mask hanging on my right wrist, I sit, bum down (ish) in the water putting my flippers on. Awkwardly finding a way to get to my knees (ish) on the ocean floor, I look again at the shadow. It isn’t coming any closer than the half way point. It appears to be moving over towards the right. ‘Oh no, you’re not disappearing on me now!’ Quickly spitting in my goggles (I was told this stops them steaming up) I flush them out and suction them to my face. Plunging the snorkel into my mouth, gripping the insides of it gently with my back teeth, face in the water and I’m off. I can hear my breathing through the snorkel. It sounds really loud under water. I love how effortlessly I can move through the ocean with these long flippers on. Every 5 breaths or so I pop my head to the surface to make sure I’m heading in the right direction. On maybe my 5th or 6th head raise I can’t see the shadow. Looking back towards the shore, my 3 camp mates are looking quite small. ‘I’m quite far out, please be friendly’. Debbie stands up and using her arm points over to my right. Head down, I marvel at the coral again. It’s absolutely stunning. Turquoise and purples, all shades of pink and yellows. Vibrant greens and orange. ‘You know what, if this is the last sight I ever see, that’s O.K with me.’
It feels like the temperature of the water cools slightly when I see the shadow. It looks at first like the water is darker in colour until I see the large, 1 piece tooth before me. I feel I’m about to meet, face to face with something. Then I see the head! It’s got a forehead bigger than the size of my whole face! Similar to what you might have if you ran head first into a brick wall a few times. It’s light pink in colour and massive, running in a straight line down to the big whiteish tooth. Then the eyes. They’re like fish eyes you might make out of sticky felt. Small and round and like they’ve just been glued randomly on the side of its green face. I’m swimming straight up to it; it hasn’t noticed me yet. I move to the side and see that it’s about as long and wide as I am. My heart rate increases. My vision clears and more of them come into view. I gaze in awe. They’re moving almost as one. Huddled together but with just enough space so as not to bump into each other. I’m not frightened, I’m mesmerized. Swimming alongside them, I’m super careful not to make any movement that might startle them. Moving my fins just enough to keep up with them. They’re slow moving. I’m keeping enough distance so as not to invade their space, while at the same time I feel I’m a part of their group. I keep my arms close by my sides, moving my hands softly from side to side to keep me in position. The fish at the front stops. Pushing a little harder with the fins I move along the row of 23 green fish as big as me!! 23 of them! This is insane! Reaching the front, I turn on my back for a moment to look down the line, this is simply amazing. I feel safe, comfortable and blessed to be a part of this. Until now, my snorkeling experience has been in Tenerife, with the odd tiny fish making an appearance. Gently rolling over onto my tummy I watch the big green guy bash at the coral with his huge front tooth. It creates a dust. Aaaaah that’s why I couldn’t see them, it wasn’t my vision that cleared. It was the dust from the coral. They’ve been bashing at the coral as they’ve travelled in. I wonder if this is what they eat? Their fins have a bluey hue to them and look way too small for their big bodies. They’re not threatened by me at all. I’m close enough to touch them, I won’t, I don’t want to hurt or frighten them. What an absolutely phenomenal experience! I’m containing the feeling of excitement that’s bubbling away inside of me like a shaken-up bottle of champers; It feels respectful to be calm and slow moving. Surfacing as delicately as I can so as not to disturb them, I thumbs up to the others to let them know all is well and immediately glide back under. I want to enjoy every second of this. Within minutes the others have arrived. The 3 of them swimming head on into them, I’m gesturing for them to go slower, to move to the side but they’re too excited. The fish turn away and swim off, back to the horizon with people following along behind them.
Opening my eyes, I notice I’m feeling a mix of emotions. Sadness that those fish got frightened away. We were in their environment after all. So deeply grateful to have had that time alone with them. Looking at the clock above Godwin’s head, I can see there’s still 30 minutes left. Closing my eyes, I scan my body and invite calm in. Nope, I don’t want to sit here anymore. My body hurts and aches all over and it doesn’t matter how much calm I breathe in I’m bloomin’ uncomfortable. Taking Godwin’s suggestion from earlier, I quietly begin to move to standing. I do it with awareness of each body part that moves. I’m moving slower than a 3 toed sloth. It’s fascinating watching my body move from the inside out. Who knew that so many muscles engaged to go from sitting to standing? I’m sat with my feet on the floor and bum on the concrete bench. As I prepare to mindfully stand, I can’t decide if my chest, stomach or hips are the first to move. Taking a deep, calm, slow breath into my tummy, I release the breath and start again. This time it feels as if my chest, tummy and hips move together at the same time. I feel my shoulders tilt back, ever so slightly. Ha, they’re moving back to balance me out. My elbows engage, then what? I relax again. Breathing in 1 breathing out 1, breathing in 2 breathing out 2, breathing in 3 breathing out 3. I begin once again to watch which parts of my body move, in which order, to enable me to stand.
No wonder these guys are moving around so slowly. Being mindful and curious about how the body works is only possible with the tiniest of movements.
Waking up the morning after starting Celestine Prophecies, I hear the sound of the guitar being played on the doorstep. The thoughtfulness of this gesture hugs me on the inside. Turning over onto my right-hand side, I see the book spread face down on the bedroom floor. ‘I read a lot last night. The message is clear that there’s no coincidences in life. That everything happens for a reason. What’s the reason for this then? Why am I depressed and full of angst? It’s also adamant that the right people come along at the right time. What does that mean? Lying in the foetal position, I hear little John speak quietly through the letter box. ‘There’s a coffee on the doorstep Lis. I’ll be back again another morning.’ I speak, loud enough for him to hear ‘Thank-you so much John, I really appreciate it.’
‘No worries Lisa, see you soon.’
Climbing back into bed with a warm feeling on the inside, I pick the book back up and begin to read.
‘We must assume every event has significance and contains a message that pertains to our questions…. this especially applies to what we used to call bad things……the challenge is to find the silver lining in every event, no matter how negative.’
‘Well, what’s the silver lining of this? I’m 24, skint, living in a single room and depressed.’
I stare at the closed curtains of my dark tiny bedroom. ‘I can’t do this anymore’.