Blog 9 The end

The end

‘Kelly arrives today Izz’. I’m awake early, feeling excited. Fresh coffee brewing, I dress and tidy the van. After 6 weeks of living like this, Izzy and I move effortlessly around each other. She knows the morning routine as well as I do. Kettle on, I ‘wash’, dress and make my bed. Water poured into the cafetiere: Izzy idly manoeuvres onto my now made day bed whilst I return hers to being a day sofa. Coffee brewed and poured, Izzy moves back into her bed, that is now on the day sofa and snoozes whilst I read this mornings meditation and enjoy my favourite coffee.

I’m aware this morning just how ritualistic my movements have become.  Turning the van from bedroom to lounge is now an unconscious action. No thought required. I wonder about how many unconscious actions we take each day? Not just Izzy and I but all of us humans.

I’ve heard many spiritual teachers talk about how so many of us spend our lives sleep walking (some of us only until some catastrophic event happens to snap us awake). I now fully realise that when actions and movements become unconscious, I no longer need my conscious mind to be present. My mind can casually drift away somewhere else whilst my physical being achieves the task. Ergo it’s like sleepwalking. It goes back to when I spoke about the teeth cleaning in an earlier blog. In my mind I can be on holiday in Thailand or forward planning the rest of the day, jump in the car, drive to work, get to work, have no recollection of the journey to work, I’ve just ‘somehow’ arrived. Later on in the morning I wonder to myself; Did I brush my teeth this morning? whilst running my tongue over them to check.

Our Western world is set up perfectly for distraction, fully encouraging us to practice, and action, consistent distraction. Consumerism wouldn’t be what it is without us believing we need ‘external fixes’ or believing we need more than we have. It’s become an unconscious habit to live in a world of distraction rather than a world of living in the present moment. It takes continuous effort and practice for me to be present. How many times have I had an amazon parcel arrive and whilst opening it wondered ‘I wonder what I ordered?’. Sleepwalking buying at its best. Fortunately, regular meditation practice saves many of us, enabling us to sense and respond to those internal warning signals that alert us when we’re about to make a ‘bad purchase’. I have found, throughout the years, that the Mindful Lisa part of me, developed in practice, comes along much quicker these days to remind me to be in the moment. (Except perhaps when I’m reading and eating Maltesers!)

The clouds today are thick and heavy. The sky cannot be seen. It’s like a thick woolly winter blanket has wrapped the sky inside of it. ‘Please don’t thunder, Izzy is terrified of thunder’. Pre Izzy, I loved a good thunder and lightning session but not anymore. She shakes violently for up to an hour or more after just one bout of thunder. Takes the joy out of it somewhat for me and it doesn’t matter what I do I can’t distract her from her terror. Finishing the last drop of coffee, my phone pings, Kelly has arrived!

‘You made it! So good to see you Kel, Hello Doug, how are you?’

Dougie isn’t interested in my greeting at all, his little nose is sniffing manically in the air, trying to get a sense of where he has just landed. Kelly and I have slight concerns about 2 dominant Jack Russel’s meeting up, fortunately, it appears our concerns are unfounded. Dougie immediately takes the submissive role by lying on his back, legs a kimber allowing Izzy to sniff him all over. We head straight down the rubbish laden path towards the beach.  I feel like a kid at Christmas, I’m not one to get excited too much on the lead up to an event, it just seems to hit me when the event actually happens. I can’t stop grinning now that they’re both finally here.

‘I can’t believe you’re here; this is soooo good!’

‘I know, I can’t believe it either. We best figure out where we’re staying then? Did you find anywhere yesterday?’

‘No, but I’m thinking Snowden could be a plan?’

Kelly and I have spoken in the past about climbing Snowden together with the dogs, here we are in Wales so it seems now is as good a time as any.

Smiling I look at Kelly, ‘How you feeling about not knowing where we’re staying yet?’

With a nervous chuckle Kelly responds ‘I’ll feel better when we’ve got that sorted’.

I love that Kelly has turned up to meet us with no idea where she’ll be sleeping tonight. This is absolutely not how Kelly does things. We’ve compromised. Kelly has arrived not knowing where we’ll be sleeping and I’ve compromised by promising we’ll stay on a campsite. Kellys’ compromised by agreeing to stay on a basic site that offers just toilets and showers. I’ve compromised by attempting to plan ahead and book somewhere, however this has not gone to plan. It seems the whole of the U.K has decided that a camping holiday is the way to go this year and with it being the school holidays, every site I tried yesterday was full.

‘Let’s trust that the universe will deliver Kel, this entire trip has been an inspired, instinct trusting adventure so how about we head for Snowden and go with it?’

I notice I’m not feeling as settled about this as I have been. I know that if we don’t find somewhere Kelly won’t be able to relax fully.  Years ago, Kelly came to visit me in Cornwall, we headed off in my then van for a night. In those days, I only stayed in the van when someone was with me. We parked up in a carpark for the night and another van came along later in the evening to parked nearby.

‘Awww look Kel, someone else is parking up for the night, how good is that?’

Looking at me horrified Kelly responds in a clipped voice ‘Did you just say that’s a good thing? It’s a good thing that someone else is parking near us?’

Confused by her terror filled response I reply with trepidation ‘yes?’

‘How is that a good thing? That’s not a good thing. Are they parked close, is it a guy on his own or a couple? How close are they parked?’

Regretting sharing the information of a fellow van person having joined the carpark, I consider lying and saying it’s an older couple, both using walking sticks and looking like they’re too old to even be driving. The truth being my default setting I hesitantly answer ‘It’s a guy on his own of maybe 30 or so.’

Sitting bolt upright with eyes appearing even larger than an Ostrich (Did you know an Ostrich eyes are even bigger than its brain. They have the largest eyes amongst all land animals measuring 5 cm across!)

‘I’ll never sleep now, we need to move’

‘Kel, we’ve had prosecco, neither of us is driving tonight’

Even back then, maybe 15 years ago, I remember thinking what a perfect example this was of how our minds and the thoughts we choose to focus on, can determine our experience of an event. For me, I chose to think that it was safety in numbers with the guy turning up and Kelly chose to think we were about to be murdered. Guess who had the better nights sleep? In a later blog I’ll talk in more detail about ‘choice of thought’.

So, I know through past experience and more recent conversations, that a campsite is a must find. I also know, when I’m feeling off centre, unsettled or pressured, I can’t connect with my inner guidance so well. My head gets in the way and my internal chit chat gets loud. I guess you could say fear based Lisa comes into play.

We agree to drive in convoy into the heart of Snowden and figure the rest out from there. I play feel good tunes and settle down into the present moment.

There’s lots of people about. Having travelled solo the past couple of months and living in a tourist town, I’ve avoided, up until now, anywhere that may attract tourists (Ignoring the fact I am now a tourist). However, here I now am. Bang in the middle of Touristville. It’s quite a shock to the system and the difference in energy is felt immediately. It has a buzzy edge to it and there’s so much noise. Who knew people chatting could be so noisy. It seems that here in Wales too, when on holiday, sauntering along in the middle of the road, with your entire family, is now considered a safe and O.k thing to do. It’s a squeeze getting the van through some of the tiny roads filled with people so I drive holding my breath, like somehow the van is going to breathe in with me.

The scenery is stunning, surrounded by the mountains I feel safe and grounded whilst the castles we drive by have a majestic feel to them. I like it here. I’ve been surprised during this trip how at home I feel in land. I’ve always thought I could only feel that whilst by the sea but it turns out there are many places in land where I feel that too. I realise, that, for me, the homely feel I get, comes alive in nature. I’m definitely not a city girl. If all I can see are buildings for more than a day I feel like I can’t breathe properly. Kelly has suggested numerous times that I move to Manchester and I’ve said to her that moving me to Manchester is like asking her to move into a field with no shops around. Our ‘at home’ feeling comes from very different surroundings.

We find ourselves pulling into a pub carpark with a camping ground on site, I notice that Izzy has been quietly sick. This isn’t unusual, every few months she has a purge for up to 12 hours, usually having eaten something that isn’t chicken or her non allergenic biscuits.

‘Oh no, poor Izz Bizz’ says Kel when her and Dougie meet us at the van.

‘She’ll be O.K, she’ll have eaten something she shouldn’t have’ I recall all of the rubbish on the pathway to the beach earlier this morning.

‘We can stay here tonight Kel, there’s a campsite here, no shower though just toilets’.

‘O.K, let’s get a drink and have a look’

Greeted by a receptionist that clearly has the look of ‘Oh dear god if one more person asks me a question today, I might scream’ I smile gently and enquire about the campsite.

In a tone that suggests she has more important things to be doing, she informs me that yes, there’s space ,but the toilets are closed and probably will be for the next few days. Kelly will understandably, not want to stay here. I’m concerned, that being in the heart of tourist land along with the many failed attempts at booking somewhere yesterday, means our choices are extremely limited.

Kelly heroically says ‘Lets’ just try other places and if not I will come back here’.

‘O.K, lets’ do it’.

Driving on we pass many campsites, all with ‘fully booked’ signs upon their gates. We arrive at the next place on our app and yet again, we’re greeted by the now too familiar sign ‘Fully Booked, please do not enter without a booking’.

‘Mmmm bit busy around here hey Kel?’

Parking side by side just beyond the entrance of the farm we each take another look at the app. Dougie, who is still a young Jack Russell, is panting away at the window, tongue hanging out, tail alert and up right with his seat belt straining to hold him back. He can smell the farm yards surrounding us and he wants out! Kelly who normally travels with Dougie in the back, in a crate, is looking a little flushed and flustered. ‘Dougie, sit down, just wait’. He looks like his eyes are going to pop out of his skull and I can’t help but laugh, he reminds me so much of how active Izzy used to be. I know we need to find somewhere so Kelly can feel settled and Dougie can get out of the car.

‘C’mon universe, we could use a helping hand here’

Kelly and I discuss options and with each call she makes we are met with fully booked answers.

‘C’mon universe, find us a peaceful place’

Without checking the location of 1 place I simply find myself pressing the call button on a number as Izzy throws up again.

A super friendly lady answers

‘Rynys Campsite, can I help you?’

‘I’m really hoping you can help us, I know you’re probably fully booked but any chance you can find some space for 2 ladies with 2 small vans?

‘You haven’t booked?’

‘Regrettably no, but we only need a small space, so I’m really hoping you can find us a space to park for the night?’

‘You haven’t booked, in Wales, in August? What vans you got?’

‘A small Toyota and an even smaller Berlingo, we will be so grateful if you can find space?’

‘Come on over, I’ll sort you out a space somewhere’

‘Fantastic, thank you so much’ then hurriedly and a little quietly I add, ‘oh and we have 2 small dogs, they’re very well behaved’ (I say this whilst looking at Dougie raging at the bit to exit his vehicle and chase those sheep whilst Izzy continues to vomit in the passenger seat)

‘What dogs are they?’

Holding my breath and saying it in the softest voice I can muster, ‘Jack Russells’.

I’m well aware of the reputation of Jack Russels. I had a rather harsh view of them myself before Izzy came along. As a child my Dads friend had one that yapped non stop and spent the days jumping up at the lounge window barking at everyone that passed. I did not like the little terriers.

‘As long as they’re alright with our sheep they’re welcome. Come on over we’ll see you when you arrive.’

Kelly and I are beaming. What a bonus. We no longer care what the place is like, we’re just happy to have a space to stay, turns out it’s only a 7-minute drive away too. Woohoo!

Driving into the site, the place is stunning. Nestled in the centre of the Mountains of Snowdonia. I can’t believe my eyes. The air is crisp and fresh and the sun has come out to warm us. Driving into the campsite I know we would have pre booked this place had we have known about it. Grinning from ear to ear we make our way to reception.

‘Shall I get Dougie out or leave him in the van?’

Laughing I answer ‘Leave him in the van until we’ve got our spot!’

‘Good point, do you think she’ll let me put my new awning up, it’s not that big?’

‘I did say we only needed a small space to squeeze into’

‘O.K, let’s see where she puts us’

The lovely lady appears

‘I know who you 2 are, now come with me, how will that spot do ya?’

It’s a spot facing the mountains, Kelly and I stare, mouths wide open.

‘Amazing, thank you so much, it’s perfect’

‘I immediately feel a rapport with this, practical, friendly, no-nonsense woman’

She shows us around. Toilets and showers, absolutely spotless. Washing up room, freezer and fridge. All spotless. This is heaven. ‘Me and Izz are staying for the rest of the summer. I absolutely love it here, I’m so excited to have a hot shower later’ I say to both Kelly and the lady.

We head off into our gorgeous camp spot and Kelly asks the lovely owner;

‘Do you mind if I put my awning up?’

‘Go for it’

I’m set. Pulling into the space that’s me done and I begin to relieve the front of the van from Izzy sick. She’s been sick quite a lot and although I don’t like it I also don’t think too much of it. She’s drinking water so I decide to withhold her dinner this evening and see how she is tomorrow. It’s now about 5ish and Kelly asks for a hand with her brand new awning.

‘When you tried this in your garden, did it take long?’

‘I didn’t try it out in the end, it looks simple enough’

I take a long slow breath and smile. I’ve camped for years and those ‘look simple enough’ tents, in my experience, have caused me the most amount of frustration. Probably down to my expectation of it being simple, perhaps.

‘O.K, lets get on then. Have you got the instructions?’

Unzipping the bag for the first time, Kelly shows me a small piece of paper with a couple of pictures on it.

‘O.K then, lets see how we get on’.

3 hours later. Yep, you read that right, 3 whole hours later, the peaceful, calm, welcoming campsite that kindly took us in when no other would, is not quite as tranquil anymore. It now sounds like a motorbike rally is taking place. Kelly’s electronic pump for the ‘simple inflatable awning’ is chundering away under duress. Even the pump cannot believe this awning isn’t erect already. Dougie is barking at the neighbouring children as they play bat and ball. He cannot understand why they aren’t batting the ball to him for him to destroy, he must not take his eye off the ball. One wrong bat and the ball is his. Izzy is staying out of his way. Since she got sick he doesn’t like her anymore. He’s taken the top dog role and all weakness is to be destroyed! It’s only when I walk to the toilet block I become aware of just how loud our voices are too. I hear Kelly in a hushed loud voice reverberate around the camp site ‘Dougie shush, Dougie no, Dougie be quiet’ as he continues to bark at the children. On my return I say to Kelly that whatever we have been discussing will have been heard, without exception, by every single person on the site.

We decide to put a wind break up to block Dougie’s view of the games being played. I’ve not even bashed the 3^rd pole into the ground before Dougie has ripped the windbreak and is standing under it, watching the children and watching that ball. ‘That ball is mine’ I hear his eyes saying.  I can’t help but laugh, a lot, perhaps almost hysterically as I throw the windbreak away and suggest to Kelly that we give the campsite a breather from the noise of the electric air pump. Switching it off Kelly says ‘Crikey, that was loud wasn’t it?’ I swear that air pump gasped a thankyou my way as Kelly went off to retrieve her old hand pump from her boot.

‘This hand pump works just not very well, it’s got a rip in the tube here’. Still laughing, but perhaps not quite so hysterically, I retrieve some electrical tape from the van and fix the tube. Squeak squeak squeak goes the air pump as Kelly puts a 100 percent effort into each foot stomp. I lose it and cry laughing. It’s like something from a comedy sketch. Like the electronic pump gone before me, I can no longer breathe. I’m over this awning. I was over it, to be fair, before we’d even started, 3 hours later and I’ve nothing left to give. I don’t even want dinner any-more, I just want a shower.

Eventually the awning is up. Kelly is happy.

‘I’m so glad that was you and me that did that and not me and Shaun, we’d be divorced by now’ Being who I am I simply say; ‘Well I’m happy you get to stay married and that our friendship survived it. I’m off for my shower.’

I’m so excited to be able to have a hot shower. It’s 10p a minute with a maximum of 10 minutes. I’ll have the full 10 minutes. I take my razor, shampoo, conditioner, soap, moisturiser, the lot. I am in.  I read the instructions. Be sure you’re ready before you put the money in as it works on a timer not from when you turn on the shower. Pull the chord. Enjoy. I intend to I say to the sign.

I get organised, everything laid out, just my towel around me, I want every second of that hot water. Money in, I lock the door and turn on the tap. It’s immediately freezing. I mean freezing. Having cold water swam all winter, I know what freezing is and this is sodding freezing! ‘It’s O.K Lis, just give it a chance to warm up’. I set my stopwatch (yep, I really do this) I want to know how long I’ve got before my 10 minutes are up. 2 minutes gone, its still freezing. I’ve turned the dial 1 way and the other way and half the way and all the ways in between, its not even going to cold its staying freezing. 3 minutes gone, I’m going to have to get in, you can do this Lis, if you can swim all winter you can do this shower. H### Mo## its like being stabbed by a thousand tiny knives. I can’t put my head under. Just have a wash Lis. I’d be better off using my van shower, its warmer than this. Maybe after this I can carry my van shower up here to warm up. Pretend you weren’t expecting a warm shower maybe that will help. I am trying every trick in my mind book to make this shower doable. Pretending I wasn’t expecting a warm shower helped, not much, but it made enough of a difference for me to be able to wash and condition my hair. Focus on the fact that you’re feeling refreshed and clean. Long and short is, I used the whole 10 minutes. Not under the water granted but the whole 10 minutes was used. Exiting the shower, shivering, I make my way to the sink to brush my teeth. There’s one other lady there.

‘It feels so good to be clean’ I say

‘Amazing showers aren’t they?’ she replies

A little perplexed I say ‘Well, it was powerful for sure, blooming freezing though’

‘Really? Did you pull the chord for the hot water?’

‘Yeah, I followed all the instructions’

‘I had a steaming hot shower earlier, that’s really strange’

It didn’t make sense to me that these showers would be cold. Everything about this campsite is done properly and done well.

It dawns on me, I make my way back to the shower, look up at the chord and realise that the person before me hadn’t turned it off, so when I pulled the chord to turn it on, I had in fact, turned the hot water off. The answer is always so bloomin simple I think.

It’s late evening, I’m clean, albeit a little chilly and Kelly is happily sat in her awning talking about getting a set of plastic drawers for her trip away with her husband next week.  Dougie is sleeping but Izzy still isn’t quite right. It’s 11 and it’s requested that after 11 the site is silence. I love this place! Time to head off to bed.

Izzy is tired but not asleep, I’m starting to feel more concerned that she’s not looking any better. It turns into a long night. Izzy vomits what seems to be every hour, she’s not keeping her water down.  She’s coming up for 13 and a few years ago she was sick for 48 hours and ended up in the emergency vets fighting for her life. If she is still ill tomorrow I’m going to have to cut this trip shorter than planned and get her home.

Having had very little, if any sleep, I say to the universe, ‘If Izzy is still sick at 4pm I’m taking her home’.  I’m super tired and if she spends another night vomiting, I’m going to be too tired to drive the 7 hours to get her home to her vets. Between 10 and 3 she stops being sick, she’s not drinking but she’s not being sick. Phew, this is good. At 3.55pm she starts throwing up again.  Bugger. What to do? A part of me doesn’t want to drive home to Cornwall for her to be back to full health tomorrow but at the same time I don’t want her anywhere but her own vets if it turns out she needs them. Kelly and I chat, I sit quietly after for 5 minutes and make the decision.

‘Kel, I’m going to have take her home. I have to do what’s right by her’

Kelly being who she is responds exactly as I know she will

‘Of course you do, do whatever you need to do’

I can tell you now that awning came down in 5 minutes. 3 hours to erect and 5 minutes to take down. Turns out not only the hand pump was broken but the electric one was too. No surprise there hey?

Packing up the van, hugging Kelly goodbye and laying numerous towels in the footwell to soak up potential Izzy vomit, I look at my gorgeous 4 pawed best friend and say

‘Lets get you home beautiful, Cornwall, we’re on our way’.

Thank you to everyone of you that has followed our adventure.

The Sunday read will continue on a weekly basis as I blog about the trail of lessons learnt on route as-well as talking more about the how tos and whys of some of the exercises I do.  I’ll try to incorporate some of the hilarious excerpts that I just haven’t been able to fit in. If you have any questions about any of the lessons or topics or about any part of our adventure, please do message me. I do love a good conversation.

Since being home, I’ve discussed with a now healthy Izzy how she may feel about a European van adventure, perhaps driving to her Grans for a cup of tea (her gran lives in Tenerife) and we think this is something we will do, very soon. I just need to dig deep into the scary fearless pot of courage. Perhaps you’ll come join us as we prepare for our next adventure?

Thank you, Universe, for an amazing adventure and for keeping us safe, Love Lisa and Izzy x

 

 

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